Goldfish Boy

It was a quarter to four and Maggie had just left the house to take her fish to the vet.
The man in the dark glasses approached her and asked her for her purse.
She didn't hesitate to relinquish the hand bag, but as she did, she realized Lucky was still in the bag.
She had planned on taking Lucky to the veterinarian to get him fixed. It's not often that goldfish jump their tank and find mates to overpopulate, but Maggie believed the rule of law applied to all animals – not just dogs and cats.
"Lucky!" She yelled after the man.
He stopped and turned. "Do I know you?"
"Is your name Lucky, too?" Maggie asked through sobs.
"No, but I'm lucky." And as the last word left his mouth he was hit by a parked car.
Sure, this defies physics, but the man didn't knock on wood and God watches all.
Maggie scrambled to the body of the man and was able to pull her handbag from his clutches. As she did so, the parked car tugged the man's body towards it and hit him again.
It was gruesome.
"Oh, Lucky!" Maggie screamed when she opened the purse and found her goldfish floating in the bag. She stared at Lucky and he began to swim circles and Maggie began to cry.
Eventually, Maggie called the police and reported the incident. But the police didn't believe a word she said. Not because of the parked car, but because Maggie was notorious for making up stories to tell cops.
She left the body to the vultures (there were like nine of them that hung out at Maggie's apartment because she would feed them cats and dogs she killed to help with the overpopulation problem and appease Bob Barker).
At the vet, the vet vetted Maggie for any sense of humor. Sure, he would fix her goldfish, but he wouldn't be the butt of some cruel joke about how a veterinarian can fix anything.
Never again.
"Let me tell you a little bit about the procedure" the vet began. "We place the fish on a hot rock in an aquarium and hope for the best."
"Won't that boil the water?"
The vet looked at Maggie sternly and asked "Don't you understand physics?"
Maggie then related the story about the parked car to the vet.
"Well, then we'll have to think this through. If physics isn't working at your apartment that is only nine miles away (the vet had slept with Maggie multiple times to show her that fixing an animal really works), then one can only deduce that the psychics in this vary office are off keel. We'll need to pray now."
They both bowed their heads, but this just lead to oral sex and nothing was accomplished.
As Maggie dressed she asked about the fish.
"Well, by my calculations, if the fish wasn't fixed before, and then physics fell apart, then there is a high chance that your fish is now fixed. I suggest you sleep with your fish. If you end up pregnant, then science doesn't work, if you end up not pregnant, then physics doesn't work. Something is not working and we'll get to the bottom of it."
Maggie then went home and slept with the fish. The next morning she felt flush and tired and needed to vomit. Nine months later, she would record a CD at a Palm Beach studio. Spoken word. But that has nothing to do with the fact that Maggie was indeed pregnant and science had also fell apart. With science and physics out the window, Maggie realized she had actually graduated High School. This opened new doors and she was able to get a job at a corporation or something. NEXT: Goldfish Boy.