The Zionist Conspiracy...To Make Me Laugh

As you may or may not know, this conspiracy has raged for decades. Is it just against me? I'm not quite sure, but I think we all agree (except them) that something foul is afoot and if it doesn't stop now, there may be no going back.
Many of you patriots to Christianity have noticed the foul stench of conspiracy closing in on our brothers and sisters. Yes, I see it in headlines all across the Internet concerning 9/11, the Holocaust, the Rothchilds, etc.
These are red herrings my friend. No conspiracy here.
However, the real conspiracy has been staring us in the eyes for far too long, and making snapping puns and ga ga gestures.
I can remember as far back as 1985, THEY were putting out a series of films under the orders of Melbrooks. This was my first taste of laughter and it made me cry.
It makes me cry today, just to think about it. How the architecture of a Blazing Saddles reduced me to a lump of shaking, tearful tremors that only could be quelled by an episode of Full House or Who's the Boss.
Later, Colonel Conspiracy Seinfeld hit the stage and what Melbrooks had done before him seemed like Vaudeville compared to the "capering" of one Jerry Seinfeld and George Castanza.
It seems that the milquetoast humor of Night Court and Arsenio Hall had quenched the hilarity of Mel, and now they needed a new weapon against me and my Christian brothers and sisters.
For almost ten years I suffered comedy comas at their treacherous hands every Thursday night.
Now we have Stewart.
What is the motive? Well, if we are all laughing, we cannot fight, and with no fight left in us we are doomed to hilarity for the rest of eternity.
The Rapture shall come with a laugh track – mark my words!
It is time to raise our fists and stuff them in our mouths. We must bring back the staring at a brick wall comedy of Friends. The reran hackery of In Living Color. The chutzpahless hamminess of Jay Leno.
Yea, we shall not laugh until our faces freeze over and we can become the humorless preachers of the true Christ that so shall save the Earth from fun.

Rev. Gregory