"God damn. Yes. Oh, shit."
It's two in the morning and Floyd Barger is shooting heroin.
This might not be anymore groundbreaking than the average crackhead you see on your way to work.
But, Floyd is different.
Floyd is 85.
"Uuugggghhhhhhhaaaad."
Floyd started using when he was 80. As he explains it "I was living in an assisted living home when I started thinking – I'm fucking bored."
Soon, Floyd was looking for something to "ease the boredom," when he came upon a copy of Trainspotting.
"Well, most people would look at a movie like that and think 'hell, that looks like a lot of fun, too bad it makes you die. But, I was 80. I mean it's kinda like, if 80 is an age to do anything, it's an age to do this."
But, the plot thickens; soon Floyd had turned on an entire geriatric unit of the home and was dealing to keep his habit alive.
"Well, it's like, no guilt, man. Take Florence, she's got cancer and maybe a couple of weeks to live – why not go out stoned? What's it gonna do? Kill her? Who cares?"
We caught up with a friend of Floyd's at the home and spoke to him about Floyd.
"Hello, John Rogers, BBC. Could you tell us how you feel about the sudden turn in events for the home, concerning heroin use and sale?"
"Who you with?"
"The BBC."
"Who do you want to see?"
"We want to speak to you about your friend Floyd."
"Roy?"
"Floyd."
"Roy?"
"Floyd."
"Look, buddy, I think you want to talk to a nurse. I don't work here."
But, it wasn't just his friends who didn't want to talk.
Nurse Gretta Reid was leaving the hospital as our camera crew showed up.
"Ms. Reid. Ms. Reid, could you tell us what you know about the usage and sale of heroin in the home?"
"No comment."
"Ms. Reid, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"
"No."
"We'll be your best friends."
"Oh, all right. What do you want to know."
"Sike!"
As our crew ran from the home to the van we definitely decided that Ms. Reid was a doer.
So, what of this heroin epidemic among the elderly? Who is responsible? Is this a victimless crime?
The jury is still out. But, I will say this – I totally would have bagged Courtney Love. Did you see her in that one thing? With the porn guy? Man, good lord, those tits were like manna.
Oh, well. Signing off, I'm Keith Jerrod.
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