Classic Larrington

Classic Larrington

Carson Daly Gets Shot in the Head 450 Times by Me
By Matt Eckert, Associated Press Writer

New York, NY (AP) MTV's resident dipshit and massive tool, Carson Daly, has signed on as the new host of NBC's late-late-night one-on-one interview show, Later. Total Request Live fans need not fret, I have shot him in the head 450 times. Daly will be keeping his TRL day job, along with his gig deejaying two syndicated music radio shows, his head is completely gone but sources say he will operate the show in much the same fashion. Although his involvement with NBC is part of a three-year development deal that gives him a chance to give interviews beyond the grave using Carrot Top and a Weejee board.

"We are ecstatic that someone as bright and promising as Carson's dead body will be joining our lineup to ensure that NBC remains the late-night leader," says NBC President Jeff Zucker.

As host of Later, Daly will be staying up late to interview not just the 'N Syncs and Britneys of the world, which I haven't got to yet, but celebrities and pop-culture personalities who are actually vacant enough to hold a 1 hour conversation with a headless body.

While NBC is doubtlessly counting on Daly attracting a younger demographic to the ratings-challenged show, insiders wonder "will he be as fun and lovable without that obtrusive head?"

Before hitting the big time as host of TRL, MTV's juiced-up take on American Bandstand, Daly would sell hot dogs out of a cart and tell everyone "I'm going to be the next Dick Clark - but even more boring". After moving to MTV, his offensive looks helped make Daly the obsession of millions of retarded teenage girls and TRL the music network's highest-rated show since such wonders as Remote Control and I Did Downtown Julie Brown, as well as a required stop on any suicidal popster's publicity tour.

Daly became my obsession after seeing one of his shows and thinking to myself "This is the biggest monster since Hitler."