Your Shit

If Darth Vader Really was a Bad Guy

Or MSN Sucks Ass Big Time and will Censor You with a Bloody Spoon



OK, look – in America we have a certain idea of what a bad guy is.

And it’s not Darth Vader.

I use America, only because it’s the producer of the movies that made Darth Vader.

So, you have Darth Vader and he’s all like kill a world. But, c’mon, were we that shocked?

No. We knew he was a bad guy in that comic book sense.

But, what if Darth Vader was really what we figure is evil?

Would we be able to forgive him at the end of the first trilogy?

I doubt it.

What if Darth was a child Offensive Word racist?

The two worst things an American alleges are those that play with the small ones and those that hate someone because of their skin, religion, country, ethnicity, taste in music, etc.

So, let’s say you replace all the parts where Vader chokes a fucker with Vader saying “You dirty (Offensive Mexican, African, Caucasion - American Slang.).”

Ha! Now you get me? Vader wouldn’t be so redeemable, now would he?

Let’s take it even further, and say that every time he battles Luke he’s really trying to play with his cock and balls.

See where I’m going?

So at the end of Jedi, Luke takes off Vader’s mask (20 minutes after Vader has savagely molested him) and Vader’s all like poor me and Luke’s like “I love you” and Chewbacca’s all like “Rwoorllll!”

Now, would you cry then and figure Vader is now a good guy cuz he learned his lesson?

Fuck no! I know Americans and they’d never forgive him.

“That dirty racist, child m@lester – I wish he woulda took a nose dive with the Emperor.”

That’s what most would be saying.

And with good reason.

But, here’s the kicker you need to think about – Vader destroyed an entire planet. We’ll forgive him of that, but not the racist, child m@lesting.

Don’t get me wrong; I feel the same way. I’m not giving ups to racists or child m@lesters. I’m just saying WTF???

Because, man, when you think about it it’s odd.

I mean, we really judge the taboo and not the outcome.

Thousands have been dying in Africa and Bosnia due to genocide and for some reason September 11th seemed like the Apocalypse because of the balls it took to pull down a couple of towers.

Number to number it’s nothing compared to how many who have died in the Sudan in just one year. Multiply that by a few years.

But, there’s more about how we don’t make any sense and will continue to kill each other off and be redeemed in the end.

Dirty Harry.

There’s a part where someone asks if “The Harry” hates some race I forget. Harry replies “I hate everyone equally.”

Now, if he would have been specific we’d hate the fuck. But, since Harry hates everyone, somehow it’s OK.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

Do you?

OK, I’ve been drinking mushrooms since Thursday, but c’mon!

We, as politically correct people, will annihilate this country with our force of extremes concerning the confusion of what is taboo, ugly, and gigantic with what could actually really turn a world into a steaming crater.

And before you send me angry email: yes, racism, child m@lesting, and ramming planes into buildings is nothing short of pinning a man to a cross and hanging him in effigy in your bedroom.

Open your mind.

This bumper sticker comes out of mouths in conversation at every party where there’s no pulse.

If you really had an open mind you’d give 30 minutes of your mind to:

What would it be like to kill someone?

What if Eskimos really are demons?

Maybe I haven’t given Janet Jackson enough credit?

Maybe G.W. is a really great guy and I have him all wrong?

Maybe it’s OK to r@pe a sea otter?

So, if you have an open mind and would like to tell me that I should have one – give a thought to child m@lesting, racist Darth Vader.

Would you think about maybe joining the dark side?

If not, you don’t have an open mind and your bumper sticker is for shit.

If you don’t understand how evil real evil can be, you’ll never make a bit of peace. But, your finger will get a lot of exercise from all the pointing.



Pleace,

Matt