Tentative Bullshit. What the Fuck?

The Ipod is the Greatest Invention of Western Civilization



Seriously.

Dude, I don't care if I die of polio – as long as I die ranking music and burning CDs, and making playlists and being a total Apple whore, I'm good.

If you don't own an Ipod or MP3 or whatever – do yourself a favor.

At first I was like "Hey, man I could really go for a Fatburger and fries right now," but that had nothing to do with the Ipod.

Later, someone mentioned Ipods and I was like "Man, that seems like a lot of work and shit and I'm busy eating this Fatburger right now."

Much later, I came into some money and was drunk at Costco. I thought I was going to buy a carton of cigarettes, but I came out with a laptop and an Ipod.

For the next three weeks I went about downloading all my CDs to my computer, and into the Ipod.

I am now a Pod Person.

You know, Pod People? Like in Body Snatchers? They live in their own little world of Poddage – that's me.

I haven't spoken to a single human being in two weeks – and I don't plan on it.

I have porn on the computer, burritos in the freezer, and 7 days of music on my computer – I'm fine society, thank you very much.

No, no, I won't be needing your government, work, and social graces.

I can work from home, I can vote online, and I can drunkenly write "wha;t are u waring" to a MILF in a chat room.

See, I don't need any of you any more. I'm like Pink in the Wall.

Except he didn't drink Schlitz and wasn't bloated on Nacho Bell Grande.

Hell, I even ordered a pizza off the net.

The only thing that pissed me off was a human delivered it.

Where the hell are the androids and robots? I don't want some Latvian showing up at my door that I have to tip and tell how to get out to the main street from my complex!

Humans are weak and spineless and cause diseases.

I, therefore, am denouncing my citizenship to these United States. I'm even revoking my allegiance to the human race.

I am going Borg.

No, I'm not into Star Trek, but the one or two episodes/movies I saw there was this race of androids that crushed all organisms throughout the galaxy. Oh, and this fortune teller chick with huge tits.

That is what I want to do with my life: crush all organisms throughout the galaxy.

I want to make sure ugliness like snot, slugs, and barley are no longer anywhere at any time.

That's right! I'm also planning on mopping up all facets of time.

I'm even going to make sure Moses, Jesus, Mohammad, and George Wendt are never created!

How you like me now, humanity?



So, in summation – do yourself a favor and get yourself an Ipod.



Pleace,

Matt