I Shit On Your Tea Party

Many of you may be wondering just what a "Tea Party" is. A lot of words have been thrown around, like "Federalism" and "Taxes" and "Horsefucking". In addition, a lot of names: "Ron Paul", "Newt Gingrich", and "Archie Bunker".
Wikipedia describes the Boston Tea Party as an act by British American subjects where tea was dumped in Boston Harbor to protest taxation without direct representation. Or, taxation by a Government not elected by the people. Or, taxation by a bunch of dudes that over the ages had become foreigners to the expat Brits in the colonies.
One thing Americans are known for is their absolute brutal fear and loathing of foreigners.
The argument against this is that America is a country of foreigners. That may be true. But ask any immigrant their opinion on the most recent immigrant and you'll see that I'm right.
Basically, after about ten years in this country everyone but you becomes a damn dirty immigrant and you'll stop at nothing to make sure they can't boss you around.
It may be some Indian curse on anyone who should defile their land by living on it. Or maybe that's just the cold pills talking.

And so it went with the early Americans.
But today, we have a brand new set of Americans, all vying to make sure they are no longer taxed by what many of them believe to be another foreign power.
Your typical Tea Partyer will tell you that our President is not an American. Or that Israel is indirectly taxing Americans. Or that Ron Paul discovered Jupiter.
Some even believe he is Jupiter - the Roman God, Zeus.
All that from just the first paragraph of this flyer that was duct taped to my car by what I can only describe as a very disgruntled Nugent fan.
Fair enough. Being an American, I subscribe to the golden rule: You believe what you want to believe, and I'll believe that you're wrong.
However, I must point out that there was a large absence of tea parties when America really had problems.
To all of you Chuck Norris' out there:
Where was the high tea when we passed the Patriot Act?
Where was the butter and biscuits when Enron collapsed?
Where was the dainty dresses and talk of Austen when we invaded Iraq?
Where were the witticisms and "pardon"'s when we found out our President used fraudulent yellow cake reports to get us into Iraq?
And when the secret prisons and torture began, when we found out "contractors" were mercenaries for hire from a political fringe group – could you pass the wafers?
No, these tea parties are not about freedom and they are not about taxes. If they were, you would have began partying the second Bush ran our country into the red.
When the first bailout occurred I would have expected something of a tea rave – but, alas, no. And not to excuse Obama the second and third, but that first bailout was under Bush watch.
So, what are we really seeing here? We're seeing more media puppets: Rush, Gingrich, Beck, etc.
What better way to establish yourself as the voice of a generation than rallying a group of something for nothings around some idealistic battle between good and evil.
There's been other tea baggers: Al Sharpton, Shelley Rubin, William Donohue, and good old David Duke. Americans love their hatred of foreigners, or foreign skin, or foreign beliefs, or foreign religions. There is nothing more satisfying than picking a group of people and hating them. And these men know this. And if you run out of groups use the euphemism "Taxes."
Taxes, when you run out of terrorists to blame, symbolize all those programs and advantages put in place to make sure some one you feel is lower on the social ladder than you is gonna use to get over your head, take your job, and fuck your wife.
Your typical "voice of..." has been feeding you this and using it for years to make you feel small, make you feel threatened, and make sure you'll only put your foot down when there is absolutely NOTHING on the line. Protest some stupid buzz word like "Taxes", but you better for damn sure not protest how those taxes are being used.
You're all being separated by huge egos that have only money to gain and power to take.
You shout fire into a crowd and they will stand around. You shout it three more times and you'll have yourself a tea party.
Happy partying!