I Can't Imagine Being Gay in Vermont

There's a lot of things I can imagine. I can imagine a donkey riding a horse. A cold pill becoming sentient and committing suicide once it discovers its job is to rid the world of snot. I can even imagine our President pausing during a State of the Union and quickly performing a magic trick with a nickel and Hillary Clinton's ear.
But I can't imagine being gay in Vermont.
As you might have read in my previous article, I realize there is a gay agenda. But I really didn't think it had anything to do with Vermont.
Wait – before you turn away in disgust, let me explain that it's not so much the gay aspect as much as I can't imagine being ANYTHING in Vermont.
I don't know anything about Vermont. Think about it. I know gay people – they are exactly like me except they prefer to argue and whine to people of the same sex. But I know next to nothing about Vermont.
I guess if you even clicked on this link you probably agree.
You probably also thought of one thing and one thing only: Newhart. Remember? Larry, Daryl and Daryl? That's what we think of when we think of Vermont.
Now imagine a gay person. I don't care which one, but imagine that person being gay in Newhart. That probably makes you think of Peter Scolari. But he wasn't gay on that show.
From what I gather about gay people is that they are more urbane and less tolerant of folksy people that own bed and breakfast joints.
This comes from having about three gay friends.
But what if you're uber gay? Like short shorts and tank tops? It's a cold state. You'd be screwed.
So, I guess the purpose of this article is to figure out weather I'm prejudice about gays or Vermont? Or both?
Real quick, I'm gonna ask my gay friend if he's ever been to Vermont or would ever want to go…
I'm still waiting on that reply. It could probably get me fired, so I may not finish this article.
But what about Vermont?
According to Wikipedia it's in the United States. There's gay people in the United States. Let's probe further: it's capitol is Montpelier – that sounds gay, or French. It's colonial. Or was. Meaning a bunch of dudes came over to be away from other people because of persecution – verdict: gay. There's quarrying. That sounds pretty not gay, but I don't really know for sure. There's 2682 non-profit agencies – that could go either way. Wait, my buddy has emailed me back.

My answer is: I don't know any paraders in Vermont. I don't know where Vermont is. I might go for a weekend if they have nice Bed and Breakfasts that accommodate our dog and some schweet antique shopththththts.

-----Original Message-----
From: Uninformed Straight Guy
Sent: Tuesday, April 07, 2009 10:30 AM
To: Gay Dude
Subject: I'm doing the article you suggested

So, have you been to Vermont? Would you want to go? Do you know any fellow paraders from Vermont?

Whoa! So, Bed and Breakfasts are a gay thing.
So, in conclusion, I was way off. Vermont is pretty fucking gay. Not only that, I know nothing about gays.
Therefore, there's a good chance I'm an ill-informed prejudiced douche. Not only about gays, but about Vermont. I think I need to do some more research into differing lifestyles and state culture.
Next topic: I can't imagine being a Vegan in Texas.