I, as you know, am a friend of everyone. Recently, a gay friend sent me an article on Sally Kerns.
According to Sally Kern, there is a gay agenda. A gay agenda that will kill you. I did some research and sure enough…
Gay Agenda Notes 3/13/64
- Let it be known that all Grand Gay Wizards were in attendance today
- Grand Gay Wizard (GGW) Pope gave the opening address, which shall begin implementation of our agenda v. world, points follow:
1. Crystal Pepsi: in the next thirty years, we shall implement a chemical recipe to turn Pepsi into a translucent beverage that will hide its true color
2. Create super group Foreigner to provide gay agenda through backwards masking
3. Clone dinosaurs
4. Pave roads
5. Create a superior cataloguing system for libraries
6. Oppress Sally Kern
7. Infiltrate the sport of Football, turn it into Soccer and make it totally gay
8. Create a restaurant that serves creative appetizers at a low cost, call it TGIFridays
9. Send man to moon
10. Be really gay about everything
· Now then, GGW Tibbs pointed out that the TGIFridays idea will need at least 20 years research into appetizers and just which ones can turn you gay. Surprising, mozzarella sticks are very effective, but GGW Jordan pointed out that there are some pretty gay breakthroughs going on with Bloomin' Onions - milestone in turning San Fransico to our side.
· Crystal Pepsi, while an effective bait and switch needs more work in the flavor department, GGW Minstral remarked If we can't get it gay and flavorful, what's the point? More research to follow.
· Many members wondered what being really gay about everything entails. Look at it this way, anything that Senator McCarthy or Byrd does is pretty gay. Vietnam war - gay. Assassinations of JFK, MLK, and RFK - gay. We must mask the superiority of our gayness in ironic use of the word "gay". More literature to follow.
· GGW Foxworth noted that sending a man to the moon doesn't really further our agenda. GGW Dims remarked that with all the poverty in the world, masses of uneducated children roaming Alabama with shotguns looking to kill minorities, and with the modernization of the telescope giving us up close images of the moon; the money that is being wasted on sending a man to the moon – well, you get the idea: Gay.
· What kindov gay music could a band called Foreigner provide? What messages will we send? Let me tell you folks, GGW Fox exclaimed EXPLETIVE 'IN GAY
· Now, while cloning dinosaurs would be pretty cool, it was pointed out that they could be put into a movie about a dino amusement park and...you get it - Gay.
· Also, seeing how paving roads is naturally a non-gay issue, we need to throw something in to throw people off. If everything is gay at face value, we're all gonna look totally gay.
· GGW Tims remarked that Sally Kerns is just a young high schooler. Wrong. Sally Kerns is a menace and if we don't try to oppress her, one day she's going to say a bunch of gay EXPLETIVE about gays and it's gonna be totally gay.
· Libraries - no explanation needed.
· Soccer - it's never been quite gay enough. It always just flirts with gayness, we need to make it more gay.
· Meet back here in 2012 for totally gay end of the world.