Arronitis

Reality Check: I Love Spain-Talkin' MuthersWell, enough with the half- assed attempt at Sci-Fi. There comes a time when you have to say to yourself: I wish I was Arnold Skulnik.Oh well. Maybe I'll rehash it, but the idea of putting a story together 45 minutes at a time is rough. But, you never know.Lately, things have been weird, yet boring. Sure, I could tell you about the burglar who took 4 seasons of The Simpsons and a porno called "Women who Love Pussy." I could explain that the burglar showed up at my door that very night at 1.45 in the morning and asked if I was gay for some reason. I could even go further and tell you how happy I was that the cop didn't ask for the title of the "adult movie" that was swiped.Well, now that I've gone that far, I might as well explain that the burglar came back on a Friday and broke my neighbors door down while I was having a smoke. Later I would ID him and hopefully wreck his young life.No, I kid. The kid was nuts, according to the officer and my own late night experience. Apparently, before he was swiping lesbian porn, he was walking into people's homes, while they were there, and going through their clothing.And now the weather:So please don't take my sunshine away...I'm sunburned.I'm completely alright with it.I love summer.I'm like Ice Cube jacking for blogs. Here's another:My cookbook is up and running, though it's in Norwegian at the moment. I will try to translate it as soon as I'm finished with my resit exam (1. Sep)Anyone have any questions about my new cookbook, or tips on how to make my blog better. Please let me know.Thanks to Mike who is my first commenter on my blog, good luck with your forthcoming baby.Lord, that was cryptic. Someone needs to shampoo me after reading that one. Currently, I'm LISTENING TO: NO ALTERNATIVE. Let me explain. I really wanted the Nirvana song on this disc. So, I purchased it from Amazon for a good four bucks. No worries, right?Wrong. This disc sucks so much ass that there's a hairy hippy singing "Sexual Healing." The sleeve has this long, boring diatribe about how (circa 1992) there is NO ALTERNATIVE music, and that by labeling the dogshit on this disc ALTERNATIVE you are negating it or something Kirkegardian (spl? True?). Anyway, it basically just reminds me of how all those SUPERGRUNGERS sold their BMW's for Volkswagen vans and tie dye'd their Armani suits and told everyone what was truly good music and what wasn't.This usually meant that whatever you had never heard of and sounded like three elves having sex with Nick Cave was dope, but Soundgarden – passé.Hell, I don't even know who Nick Cave is, but I bet he was all the rage in 1993.Which reminds me, Oasis sucks ass.In other news, the University of Phoenix Online is offering me a fast paced degree via email.Let's jack another blog:I really don't like Pepe anymore. We exchanged brief email yesterday and he is so boring. Maybe I'm just require higher forms of interaction. But the love is gone for real. I talked to Z too, miss that guy. Ever since his evacuation of the islands, the group's changed a lot. He was the loud glue that held our oddities together. He was the game show host that kept the contestants in line.Blimey! That's real hubris, dontcha think? God, I wish I was German.What else? Well, there was the afternoon that I watched Attack of the Clones or whatever for a full half hour (no joke) without realizing it was in Spanish. See, they started off subtitling the alien language, so I figured the Spanish was alien (Chewbaccaese). So, I proceeded to watch, and next there was this scene where Anakin and his mom are having a tender moment and are still talking in alien, but no subtitles. So, I'm like, "they must be doing this for effect."Finally, Samuel Jackson and Yoda are bullshitting and it finally dawns on me that I have Spanish HBO on.Speaking of Spanish HBO:The Chicago Tribune has reported a story of a Muslim scholar who has had his visa revoked based upon what his supporters characterize as "unsubstantiated allegations" of being connected to terrorist organizations. The link to the Tribune story is here and is also printed below for your convenience. A quick Google search also brought up this flattering TIME expose on the accused scholar.That's profound. Really, I couldn't have put life in a nutshell better. That was true religion.Then, there was that day I went to the dentist and saw "Health Watch" on my folder. Then, the lady took my blood pressure and it was, like, 150/100 or some such apocalyptic shit.Then, she proceeded to clean my teeth for an hour, bitching about the mondo stains on my pearlies."I've never seen stains such as these!" She said in her Spanish accent (more Spanish - I'm changing the title) Later, we realized that I had been drinking tea lately. So, lesson learned: tea stains the fuck out of your teeth – look at the British.Yeah, look at them:ببينيم چي ميشه فكر كنم باحال از كار در بيادWell, that's about it. I'm broke, single, and bored out of my gourd. Oh, I was in the paper. Check out Opinion in seattletimes.com, look up Robert Eckert in the archives and there's a rant about cupcakes costing too much.And, finally, I'll leave you with this, peace:You have got to read the [LA Times'] editorial this morning. Not only does it officially bestow "victim" status on John Kerry --which is the highest honor the Times' ever bestows-- it also creates its own factual world and its own legal reality, stating of Kerry and MoveOn and Bush and the Swift Boat Vets for Truth that "either man could shut down the groups working on his behalf if he wanted to," an objectively and manifestly absurd claim. But because the editors at the Times, upset at the rapid dissolution of the Kerry campaign, want to believe it, they choose to believe it. No wonder this paper has fallen on the hardest of times: It isn't bound by even elementary facts.K, that's assfaced gibberish.Good night.