Some Things to Think About

Some Things to Think About

Millions of Americans are denied health care and left to die. Meanwhile, conservatives still are against euthanasia. It's almost as though they just hate the part about having dignity in death. Sure, you can slowly die from cancer, but there's no way we're letting you die from some self-administered Lullabye drug. That would be pussy.

If you're black and you want free health care, accuse Cancer of racial profiling. Someone will be with you within seconds.

In related news, being an asshole cop or arrogant professor will probably get you a free beer from the president.

Summer is here and the time is right for dancing in the streets. Unless you live in Seattle where it's due to hit 100 on Wednesday and then you'll just be kind of wishing you were dead in the streets.

Watchmen came out on video the other day and I was able to see a blue penis for the second time in my life. The first time being when that lesbian made out with the chick in the beginning of the movie.

The Cash for Clunkers program started today. Governor Schwarzenegger attempted to bring the state of California into a local dealership. The Governor is hoping to get the state of Maine towards his next purchase of the state of New York.

Michael Vick was released from jail and immediately got his old job back. That happens 99% of never the time.

The Birther movement is now over just in time to see Health Care go away, proving once again a doctor's signature is more important than what he actually knows.

I still don't know who or what the Gosselins are. I imagine them to be a group of ducks that got trapped down a well with Baby Jessica's 14-year-old daughter.

Recently, a study was published that says that the Universe isn't expanding rapidly; rather, it's time that's slowing down. Asked why, the researcher pointed out that he was really, really stoned when he observed this.

A majority of Americans believe that space program funding is justified. When these same Americans learned that the space program has nothing to do with Ben Kenobi, these numbers reversed.
Swine flu vaccination testing has begun across the country. Volunteers are encouraged to come with their own swine flu, as it was created in a lab at Baxter Pharmaceuticals making it extraordinarily expensive.