She Won't Leave

Never apply yourself

It's a waste of time. You think to yourself "Hey, well, if I applied myself maybe I would accomplish such and such."
Bullshit. You're still going to end up failing. Trust me, I know. I know you and I know you have no potential whatsoever.
You remember that last thing you applied yourself at? And you remember how miserably you failed? Well then, what's the point of going through all that again?
Look, if you wanna do something with yourself, watch some TV. That's totally a no-lose situation. Sure, there might be some shitty TV on, but you won't be risking the ugly scene of your own existence applying itself once again to another grim failure.
Not only that, eat some junk food. One thing that will never fail is your ability to get fat. In fact, drink and drug as well. There's nothing like being high as a kite while watching television. That way everything on TV is good TV.
Good. I'm glad. I've been worried about you. You've been applying yourself to a lot of things lately and none of them have been working. It's really irresponsible when you think about it. Look at all those things you applied yourself at and ended up hurting others.
But, I guess you didn't think about the rest of us when you were out there gallantly applying yourself, now did you?
Like that job you interviewed for – do you know what it must have been like to listen to you prattle on about all your accomplishments that really had nothing in the way of experience for the job you wanted?
Good lord, what a trouble.
Ah, I see you've procured some wine. That's a good thing. Wine is good. Drink it heartily, there's nothing else to do, now is there?
I mean, you could be out there applying yourself and making everything worse for all involved. But, instead you chose the higher ground and opened a bottle of 3 dollar wine.
Good for you.
How's the potato chip situation? Good. I'm glad your well. If you are unable to procure drugs, coughing syrup or model glue will work.
Now, that we have this all settled, continue to not think about tomorrow and hope for a lovely evening.