News from the Past

News Roundup October 18, 2004

Well, the top story on CNN is the early opening for Florida voters. Now, if this doesn't just blatantly show us that Floridians are collectively riding the short bus to this election, I'll be damned. Imagine, a state has to make legislation to add two weeks onto the voting process to ensure that those not able to mark or punch a card have sufficient time to fuck up the election so that the Federal Government can clean up their mess. Personally, I don't think we should count any of their votes this year around. Florida needs to be punished and Floridians should use this year to get their shit together and figure out how make vote box punch out.

Next.Apparently Al-Zarqawi and Bin Laden have joined forces to give Jerry Bruckheimer a wet dream. In a statement made from Al—Zarqawi's cave of doom, the militant declared allegiance to Osama bin Laden. Which begs the question "Terrorists can strike up allegiances across the globe; why is America stuck with only Britain and Australia?" Which brings up the biggest joke in Bush's tirade in the second debate – his claim that Poland was with us just a day after they announced they were taking off.Bye Poland.

A recent Pentagon report says that many ex-Gitmo prisoners are returning to terror. Now, why do you think that is? Let's see: we throw these people into an internment camp without filing charges or giving them a chance to defend themselves, then we tortured them. What are we teaching them? We're teaching them barbarism and how to explore your hatred of America in solitude with only terrorists to hang out with. Some of these people have nothing to do with terrorism or any of this nonsense. Now, they come out going "Well, I really couldn't give a shit one way of the other about America, but now....I'm getting my terror on, dawg!"

Jesus lord.The Peterson defense testimony begins today. Jimmy crack corn and I don't care. In a country where people are murdered everyday, why do we care about this stupid trial? I'd even give it the benefit of the doubt if the woman was invited into our homes everyday on some lame-ass sitcom, but she has no mark of acknowledgement from us other than she's "beautiful." This goes on and on and on. Every week I get a flyer about a missing child or mother; where is their national press conference? I guess it's because they're poor and/or ethnic and/or ugly. Laci Peterson would still be in the bay if she was a fat, black steelworker from Houston. They wouldn't even question the guilt of her husband. They'd slam him through the system and throw away the key. But, this rich, punk fuck dazzles the world with his college frat behavior and we give him a star spangled trial that's wasting brain cells everywhere. I say fry the bastard so I don't have to hear about this shit any longer.Fuckface.

Britney Spears is taking time off to "chill." Hmmmm.....Britney Spears is taking time off to chill..Britney Spears is taking time off to chill....headline news....Britney Spears chilling....in the headlines.....chilling......is it possible that the media is not only untrustworthy and degenerate, but could it actually be retarded and/or brain dead at the same time? The headlines read Florida voting retarded, Bin Laden meeting and greeting around the globe, Iraqi PM talking loud and saying nuthin, ex-Gitmo prisoners proving Skinner, flu vaccines fucked up, Peterson jerk fest, then Britney "chilling." That's like a doctor telling you you have cancer, emphysema, and a hang nail.Retartartarded.