Tuesday, July 27, 2010

BEER JEZUS

NO. STAY. BEER JEZUS BE FRIEND. YOU LIKE BASKETBALL?


BEER JEZUS ONLY SPEAKS TO BELIEVERS.


NO ONE READ BEER JEZUS BLOG.

BEER JEZUS OVER THEIR HEADS.

BEER JEZUS DIE FOR GINS AND COME BACK AND THEN EVERYONE ALL OVER HIS BLOG.

BEER JEZUS FEELS RIPPED OFF, BUT WILL STAY IN YOUR HEARTS.

MAYBE YOU BUY BEER JEZUS' BOOK AND IT MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER.


BEER JEZUS WAS BORN OF VIRGIN BLOODY MARY.


BEER JEZUS WANTS TO REMIND YOU TO DRINK RESPONSIBLY.
AND BY RESPONSIBLY, BEER JEZUS MEANS PICK UP THE TAB ONCE IN AWHILE, YOU CHEAPO.

(beer jezus isn't really good at jokes)

BEER JEZUS HEARD THAT.

Screw you Beer Jezus!

BEER JEZUS HAS A HELL TOO. IT'S CALLED HANGOVER SATAN.

Sorry, Beer Jezus.

THAT OK. (makes ok sign with fingers)


BEER JESUS. JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT IMPORTED BEER IS NEVER TWIST OFF.

Beer Jezus: Did anyone call me?

Greta and Tiff: Did someone call for a B.J.?

Beer Jezus: Yep.

Greta and Tiff: (hands over mouths) Hee hee hee.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Ancient American Email

Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 5:10 PM

This story is actually an ancient American myth used to provoke the boss to leave.

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Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 5:09 PM

Aaaaand I'm waking up.

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Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 5:07 PM

You have a shotgun. But - BUT, you are super tired from a triple Jack sandwich with bacon.
Glen Beck, on the other hand, is very much awake. If you know what I mean.

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Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 5:06 PM

Am I armed?

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Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 5:05 PM

Or does it?
No, it doesn't.

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Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 5:05 PM

Clown. Obviously. Clown makeup washes off.

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Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 5:03 PM

But the only way to exit is dressed as a clown out the front door or back to the bedroom where Glen Beck is now completely human.

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Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 5:02 PM

I can live with that.

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Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 5:02 PM

They can be any kind of fries you desire. But no sauce. Sauce is extra Rollos.

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Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 5:01 PM

No contest. Except... are they curly fries?

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Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 5:00 PM

But you're in your same outfit that you wore to bed - so when you appear in Jack in the Box you are wearing that.
But you get your choice of sandwich, fries, and a coke for only 6 Rollos.

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Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 4:59 PM

For Jack in the Box? Maybe.

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Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 4:58 PM

That's why he's shooting them away from himself. You just happen to be in the way.
AND he's the keeper of a portal...to Jack in the Box...
Then would you help him find the lost diamonds of Phyllis Diller?

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Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 4:57 PM

But he hates chocolate.

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Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 4:57 PM

And he started shooting Rollos at you from his mouth.

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Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 4:54 PM

That's actually an improvement.

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Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 4:54 PM

But, wait. He wasn't just Glen Beck. He had the body of a turkey.


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Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 4:54 PM

No.

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Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 4:53 PM

What if you woke up in the middle of the night and your husband had turned into Glen Beck?