Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Badger Circus

The Lion Tamer approached the lion and took out his whip. He prepared himself for the beast that was before him. Slowly, he approached the giant cat.

“There! You beast, taste my whip!” And the Lion Tamer struck at the beast and it submitted to him.

“Lion! Back! Back!” And the Lion Tamer picked up the chair and plunged it towards the lion.

Next, the Lion Tamer picked up another lion and swung it at the lion “How about some of your own medicine, Lion?”

The beast roared at the Lion Tamer (the one in his hand, the other lion, the lion he was taming stood still). The Lion Tamer became frightened and dropped the beast, now he needed to tame two lions.

So, he picked up another lion from his Shurgard storage container full of lions, then he picked another. He tied the two lions together and now he had lion nunchucks.

“On guard, feral lions!” And he swung the forward lion at the other two lions, but the lion in his hand began biting his arm and he let the lions loose and they flew into the other two lions and they all began to fight.

The Lion Tamer then slowly walked from the cage and then bowed at the audience of badgers who were clapping in approval.

“Right concert you put on!” Said one badger.

“You have inspired me to tame the forest!” Yelled another.

But King Badger the Second did not approve. For when the Lion Tamer walked to the great badger, he noticed a look of strict and utter disappointment.

“Yea, great Lion Tamer, you have tamed the lions, but you have done so out of accident. If that lion had not bitten you, you would never have flung the lion nunchucks at the other two lions, thus creating the fight that has now ended in four dead lions.”

The Lion Tamer began to weep and he walked away from the tent in shame.

“Let that be a lesson to all badgers – the mighty Lion Tamer is a fraud and let there be no more lion taming in the forest for now on. Strike that – let there never again set foot in our forest a human!”

The badgers all began to clap and the lights dimmed and went down.

A spotlight lit upon a lowly squirrel, dressed in a tuxedo shirt that he wore like a dress.

“Gentle badgers, my name is Larry the Squirrel and here’s my take on life:

Have you ever noticed how when humans come through hiking and they sit down and they are surrounded by nuts and fruit and roots and they take out a sandwich and start eating it? It’s like if you brought a sack lunch into a McDonalds – am I right?”

The badgers all boo’d.

“OK, OK, so get this, there’s this zebra in the woods. Everyone’s thinking ‘How did a zebra get into the woods?’ and the Zebra’s all like ‘I rode here on the bear.’ Get it?”

The badgers began to boo and a lion was released on the stage and the squirrel took off into the badgers and the badgers scattered and as they left the tent they ran into the poles and the tent fell down and then exploded, sending badgers and squirrels and lions all over the world.

And that’s how the universe was made, Bobby.

“Dad?” And Bobby woke up.

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