Dino Stories

Giant Dinosaur Story

Back in the olden days, dinosaurs were as plentiful as bears. In fact, the revolutionary war was not only fought between the British and the colonists of Northern America, it was also fought using French and Native Americans. This has little to do with the dinosaurs that were all over the place, but it's something to think about.


My Anti Drug Message to the Young People

It's been my experience that drugs are bad news. I've used drugs on several occasions and LOOK OUT – DINOSAUR!!!

The Patriot Act is Out of Line

As an American, I hold true the values of our country. From the Flag Day to the Labor Day, I'm always proud to hang stuff up in my yard. However, I don't feel it is necessary to instill fear and paranoia in our nation for the sake of – LOOK OUT - DINOSAUR!!!

The Lonely Island of the Last Dinosaur

Dinosaurs had been extinct for more than 50 years and on one lonely island, the last of their race was left. Which, when you think about it makes it so that they weren't quite extinct yet. However, seeing how the last dinosaur couldn't breed, extinction was in the air.
The last dinosaur stood proudly on a mountain top and watched as the sky burned from the meteor that had run afoul of the Earth, some 50 years beforehand. She reflected on her 50 years of isolation and thought to herself "Giving live birth and nursing would be disgusting."

Tony and the Pterodactyl

Tony was only two when he accidentally got into his father's time machine and blasted off into the past. There, in the period where pterodactyls lived, he found himself face to face with a giant pterodactyl. He looked up at the flying lizard and cooed. The pterodactyl squaked back. This went on for some time until a friendship was established. Soon, the pterodactyl let Tony ride on it's back as it flew the Earth looking for food and other pterodactyls to hang out with.
Then the meteor hit.

The Revolutionary War's Interesting Visitors

It's a long forgotten fact that the revolutionary war was the only war to include dinosaurs. No, not those kind. I'm talking about the kind that were rock legends in the 70s. It seems Tony's father's time machine ended up being used quite a bit. And, I'll be pig tied and sacked, if Foreigner didn't show up during the Revolutionary war and rock it like a hurricane. Just like the Scorpians in Vietnam, and Led Zeppelin during the Spanish civil war. Time machines are cool.

Why Didn't the Devil Ever Buy Any Dinosaur Souls

Think about it. I mean, a soul is a soul. It doesn't matter how big your brain is. So, I ask you: why didn't the devil ever buy any dinosaur souls? I could just imagine it. This nice brontosaurus comes up to this T-Rex and it's all like "Wait, before you eat me, let me buy your soul for unlimited bronto meat?"
The T-Rex would say "Awesome." Then the devil would pay him in all this bronto meat and then when T-Rex died he'd go to hell and burn forever and then when you or I went to hell we'd be able to see real life dinosaurs burning in hell.
That would be sweet.

The Dinosaur's Wedding Toast

Good evening Al, Linda. Thanks for inviting me to what I can honestly say is the third most important event in my life, after my marriage and the birth of my son Chris.
What can I say about Al? He's the only raptor that I've ever been friends with. I guess I learned a lot about their species and how friendship has no boundaries.
And Linda. I have to admit, she gives my wife a run for her money. Just joking, Justine.
Anyway, I just want to congratulate Al and Linda and I am honored to be a part of their circle of friends.
I don't want to tear up, so I'll give the microphone to Jordan, who's going to say a blessing.

The Dinosaur's Walk In Closet Monster

Did you ever wonder if dinosaurs were afraid of monsters and what those monsters would look like?
Would they look all extra scary or would they be more like bunnies or something that we would find cute?
Well, where's the part about the walk in closet?