Wednesday, November 30, 2011

It's Clearing Up Outside!

It’s clearing up outside. That means only one thing – more rain.
My favorite thing about Washington is that no matter how happy someone is, you can remind them that it’s raining.
It’s not that I like to make people feel bad…I can’t finish that sentence.
But I can tell you this – I’m not going to sugar coat life for you. If you’re reading this, that means you are as bored as I am and it’s probably raining.
And you probably just made some bad decisions.
Bad decisions will ruin you, mark my words.
But good decisions can be just as bad.
Like the other day, when I decided not to honk my horn loudly at those geese – good decision.
However, when I got back to my once black, now white car I realized my best intentions only destroyed me.
So, you’re damned if you do good and you’re damned if you don’t.
Go with not doing good. Doing good will ruin you and your fellow man.
Honk at those geese.
They have it coming.
Imagine how cool the world would be if good people started being bad. They’d get away with everything – and that’s progress, folks.
Imagine if Mother Theresa all of a sudden started pocketing donations – she’d be rich. No one would question her. EDIT: she's dead.
That’s what IT nerds would call being “nimble”.
While we’re on the subject, if you hear anyone use the word “nimble” you can rest assure that they will really fuck up this world.
Yes, the braindead, those that clutch to buzz words and use them like condoms, are easy to spy and they will ruin life for you.
That’s who you should be looking out for – not the Evil Mother Theresas, but the braindead.
That’s why drunk driving is so illegal – you have a braindead person behind the wheel of a good tonnage of driving force metal. Like Lars Ulrich.
The meek will inherit the Earth, but it won’t be some clever plan – it will be pure stupidity.
No one will ever decide to start a nuclear war, but someone will decide to pretend to switch the key as a goof at an Oval Office Christmas party.
And Christmas is upon us. In all its glory.
In all it’s you’re gonna get fat and no one is going to like your gifts glory.
It’s a family tradition. Not mine, but yours. You look like the type.
Some people choose to give to charity around the holidays and that’s just selfish. You can give a man a fish or you can teach him to fuck off.
That’s what I say.
The homeless are a rumor. Like dinosaurs and honey bees. They don’t exist.
Sure, there are people who beg for money – but they like to beg for money. They are good at it. Like that guy…you know, that guy with no legs in front of Albertsons who is starving to death?
I think his name is Roger.
Anyway, my point was it’s not raining right now.
Enjoy it.

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