Transcripts of Lost

Cars Have Always Been a Part of My Life

I can remember even as a child, cars have been in my life. In fact, when I was born, a car was used to drive me home from the hospital.
Things changed though, in 1982. Back then times were tough and we traded our car in for food and a goat. What was cool about this is that you didn't need a driver's license to drive a goat. So, at age six I was able to get fast food and go shopping for toys with the family goat. It didn't go very fast unless you kicked it really hard.
Eventually we ate the goat and got a new car. I think it was a Mustang. Kinda weird, being all poor and then going out and buying a Mustang. But Dad dealt drugs.
Soon I was old enough to drive a car, but I couldn't afford one. All day I'd daydream about jobs I could have that would make money enough to buy a car.
Sometimes I'd dream I'd work for 3.75 at Jack in the Box.
But, like all dreams, they took ground in reality and soon I was working at Jack in the Box, but I never bought a car, even after I had saved up 750, 000, as of yesterday.
Man.

Tazer the Animals Gently

Back when I was a zookeeper I used to be in charge of the snakes.
Snakes are dangerous animals and are prone to attacking handlers if they feel threatened. That's why it was very important that we wore handler's gloves.
But one time a particularly mean-spirited snake was aggressively biting me. I couldn't get it to stop, even when I sung it a song about goats.
Pretty soon I was fit to be tied and decided to give myself a snake remedy. I took the snake, that was still biting my glove to the shark pool and put my hand over the pool.
I know what you're all thinking: that that was dangerous. Well, I still had the gloves on.
So, this small shark jumps up and bites right into the snakes head and just hung there. So, now I had a snake AND a shark on my hand biting.
I still have the glove if you want to see it.

I Do the News

Piece of Fathog Gets Job

I really don't know much about Richardson, other than he looks like he could eat me. You know the type: you invite them over to your house and they're all greedy on the steak and fondue and you're like "Bill, slow down. Take sensible bites." But he's just eating everything and then he gets that look in his eye and you realize he's going to try to eat you and so you step away from the table and say "Not so fast!" Because you have a sword hanging over the entryway and you take it down and then the dessert comes and everything settles down, but you know in your heart that this bodes ill for commerce.

CEOs to Work for Only a Dollar?

Point/Counter Point

Let me get this straight? CEOs? A dollar? Get out of here.
Let's face it, the average fatcat CEO makes much more than a dollar in all the stocks and real estate and so forth that they own.
By my estimate, a CEO makes roughly one billion dollars in fatcat stuff. So, that means he's now going to make 1 billion and one dollars a year. And I should feel sorry for him?
Not me, brother. I believe these so called "CEOs" should be stripped of their fortunes and beaten like the vermin they are.
Should we feel sorry for the CEOs?
NEVER!

- Jim Dale, retarded child that thinks one man can make a difference

For every Jim Dale in the world, I own one dollar.
Sure, I make a lot of money, but what can I say? I enjoy this lifestyle. Sometimes I get up in the morning and I wash with one hundred dollar bills and the blood of the Jim Dales of this world. Sometimes I take up to nine showers, just to waste money.
My normal working day consists of coming into work, attending someone's birthday party and getting free cake without contributing to the gift.
Then I laugh on into the night.
Fatcat? Hurrumph! I'm slim as they come. An athlete by nature, I live to compete. That's capitalism. Like the other day I saw a homeless person out on the street and I stood next to him, took off my mink jacket and began begging.
Within minutes I had 60 more dollars than he made in an entire year.
That's how our species survives and will continue to survive as long as I am in power.
Man up.

- Jim Dale's boss

Tomorrow Knows

Turn off your mind, relax
And turn on TV
It is Primetime
It is Primetime

Lay down all thought
And pay attention to Chris Lloyd
He's on Taxi
He's on Taxi

That you may see
The teaming of Simons
You should be eating
You should be eating

That love is all
And eight is not enough
Let's go bowling
Let's go bowling

That ignorance and hate
Patrick Duffy is not dead
He is showering
He is showering

But listen to the
Taste of Golden Grahams
And drink Pepsi
And drink Pepsi

Or play the game
Your lifeline is your friend
Lost is beginning
Lost is beginning
Lost is beginning
Lost is beginning