Friday, March 13, 2009

The Hopes and Dreams of Mankind

I've been eating a lot of trail mix lately, so I will be brief.
The package I have sent to you carries in it the hopes and dreams of mankind. I have sent it in great haste, as I have eaten a lot of trail mix, as mentioned before.
Do not open the package in public, as the hopes and dreams of mankind are very personal things to mankind. So, like if a bird were to see them, then mankind would be embarrassed. Remember, you are part of mankind. Even if you are a woman.
I guess you're wondering what could possibly be the hopes and dreams of mankind? Is it just an idea or is it something tangible, that you can hold or use to buy things with? Well, I will not say for sure, but I will say that you will be more surprised than that time I sent you the Wrath of God.
I'm sorry I haven't spoken to you in awhile, as you can guess I've been doing a lot of research and exploring. That is how I came across the hopes and dreams of mankind. I had bet a friend that I could dunk on this basketball hoop, and then it all led away from that. Pretty soon I was in Brazil talking with natives about how to get through a 50 meter stretch of boobie traps. Then…well, you can see where this is going – hopes and dreams, babe.
Well, inside the temple, I was able to recite this voodoo prayer and then – WHAMO – the vault was unlocked and I bore (spl?) witness to the hopes and dreams of mankind.
At first I was like "No way!" Then it kinda settled in and I was like hmmm. Then I was able to eat some trail mix and have a V8. So you can see how I slowly got used to the hopes and dreams of mankind.
Later, I thought about you and decided to send them to you, because I know that you would be an expert in how to distribute the hopes and dreams of mankind so no animals get into them and steal them.
Think of it, like this chicken gets into the hopes and dreams of mankind and starts using them for chickendom? That would suck. Then they'd destroy the sanctity of the hopes and dreams of mankind and no one would be able to enjoy them, except the chickens and they're all stupid.
Anyway, I don't really like just throwing this all on you. I mean, you could be busy with something else. I don't know. It's been awhile. I heard you got married and have a new job, so maybe this is the wrong time to spring this on you.
If so, maybe send it to Larry and see what he can make of it.
I was tempted to send it to the authorities, but then I remembered they are normally the enemies of the hopes and dreams of mankind – remember when I made that potato gun?
So, open it up, tell me what you think. Maybe you like it. Maybe you don't.
Again – not even insects! Make sure nothing is around that is not part of mankind or is part of the government. I'm not sure if they are mutually exclusive.
How is Jerry?

Sincerely,
Tom Rogers

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