Monday, March 2, 2009

Witness the Lion

Witness the lion. So bold and beautiful in its golden fur, it is. I had to put "It is" at the end in order to make those words a sentence. The lion would think this was totally gay. The lion is a hateful creature.

Witness the majestic beauty of the caterpillar as he turns into a butterfly, is this any different than our transgender friends who have their penis' violently ripped from them and turned into boobs?

Witness the giraffe with its long neck eating all the leaves on the trees. The trees said "Hey, horse, you can't catch me, and the horse said "Fuck you" and elongates its neck through thousands of years of evolution. The tree was like "Damn!"

Witness the mongoose. A furry gopher that nature has pulled like taffy until it's almost weasel like. Then named a bunch of shitty operations after.

Witness the bat; so dark and frightful they named a masked vigilante after it. Also, the bat is the only mammal that understands chemistry.

Witness the kangaroo. I will guess you are in Australia or the zoo, because kangaroos only exist in those places. Oh, and the hamburger meat at McDonalds. Look it up.

Witness the woman in Witness that gets naked. Those are some tits right there!

Witness the coyote, so sleek and cunning. He traipses across the prairie hunting its prey at night. In the day, he sleeps and dreams of the moon. Our moon.

Witness the bird. Sure, that one. Look at it. Witness it. Mull it over. Damn. Bird. Up in that tree. Whoa!

Witness the alligator. The last of the giant reptiles, the alligator makes a formidable opponent for even the most cunning of animals. With one snap of the jaw it can bite you in two. But still you get out of the car and try to photograph them thinking the Parks Department would have put up a sign. Like these are the non-dangerous alligators or the ones with foam rubber dentures. You stupid man, DAD!

Witness the cat, slinking about the apartment, ready to pounce on dawn's early light. Seriously, cats will pounce on motes of light. They're fucking stupid.

Witness the fish. Any fish will do. Why do the Japanese love to eat them so much?

Witness the Gingerbear in all its half reptilian, half bear glory. He doesn’t exist. Yet.

Witness the peacock in its splendor. The amazing arrangement of colors turn an ordinary bird into nature's palette. That's right, nature paints with feathers.

Witness the rabbit. The low man on the mammal totem poll, yet he seems to take great care in being cute. If being cute were a defense mechanism, the rabbit would still be screwed because lions are hateful.

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