Friday, March 27, 2009

Week in Review

Happy birthday! Having a party for the next Friday.

This newscaster smugly explains it's a week in review. Four stars come on cartoons into the screen and a backdrop of a bear eating fire is framed behind the anchor's head.

"The news in review. For this Friday the 27th of March, 2009. President Obama circulated a plea to Americans to stop asking him for pot.

In response three large – very large – ravens attacked a young man's castle in the Upper Northern Hemisphere area where they tore out the metal screening and flew down into his fortress. No one is sure what they wanted. In related news an identified Russian called a fellow employee lazy and accused him of torturing him with email. In response, the employee gave the Russian a backrub and was fired for sexual harassment.

Mexican bandits continue to make a nacho'd mess of Mexico. Oh, you know the kind! You leave nachos in the fridge hoping to eat them in the morning. But between beers, you pick at them and stir the salsa into the cheese and sour cream and pretty soon you have this jello'd soup of a mess that in the morning you eat – but you feel bad about it. This is the best metaphor I can come up with. I've switched to lite beer and my nerves are fried.

Beware! Cash machines across the Universe are eating cash cards and spitting out their take on the movie 2001. One cash machine reported that the monolith was really a cinema screen and Dave Bowman had become self aware. This blew my mind. Other things that blew my mind this week: goat cheese and peppers, hot wing pizza, and no vegetarian option at my friend's wedding. I'd now like to take some time to make black people like me.

Last night I listened to Ice Cube's The Predator. That's right, I'm a fan of The Predator. Available on Amazon.com. Get this record. It will change your life. As it did mine. I fully support a free South Africa.

And now I would like to leave you with this." A large slice of pizza materializes on your desk and you say "Wow".

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