Tuesday, March 3, 2009

St. Patrick's Day - Brought to You by the British!

St. Patrick's Day is a great holiday to be social and celebrate the spirit of the Irish people. However, those who have decided to equate the great snake saint with liquor consumption have sullied this holiday.
This must end.
As an Irishman myself (45th generation and also Cherokee, Mexican, German, and African American) I find it truly offensive to be invited to a gathering that requests that guests BYOB or should be prepared to "get tanked" or some other offensive idea about drinking in public till one is sick.
It's alarming to me, an Irishman, to believe that a man who so soundly removed snakes from a country would somehow be equated with booze. Saint Valentine has also been slandered with people's need to fornicate on his holiday. Or how people are driven to material capitalism on Saint Nicholas' day.
Sure, only Patrick is Irish and the Irish are known for their drinking. But why is that? I've seen many a Frenchmen wander into my yard on any given night and vomit or stumble over the garden. That goes for Germans and Australians too (especially Australians).
Could it be that there's some sort of agenda here? I don't want to bring up bad blood, but let's just say it starts with Brit and ends in Ish.
It's no secret that the British have been plotting against the Irish for thousands of years. Even here in the United States where an Irishman (also French and Lithuanian) like me who has lived for 9 generations has to put up with the British and their racism towards my countrymen and myself (also a little Russian).
Just the other day I was at a job fair and happened to be drunk. This had nothing to do with the coming holiday. I get drunk quite often and I don't need to consult my calendar to wait for the British to tell me when I can drink.
Well, I go over to this BP (BRITISH Petroleum) booth and stagger over to the Brit there who fancies himself a comedian.
"Is everything all right?" He says to me. So I sock him in the kisser. Next thing you know, the police and security are all over me. I try to explain that the lousy chip eating Anglo Honky is trying to bring a Irishman (little Moroccan) down and they just laugh and throw me in jail because I'm Irish and they're all dirty Pilgrims.
Speaking of, you want to hear a joke?
Why did the Pilgrims leave England?
To get away from the English!
So, anyway, back to the "holiday". I use quotations because it's no longer a holiday, but rather a raped Saint party brought to you by the British Empire. Did you know that the Imperial Empire was based on the British one? Also, the Rebels were based on Irishmen? Lucas is an Irish name. Think about it.
Well, it might be another kind of name, but I'm not sure I care anymore.
The fact is I gort so mad while writing this that I went and started to drink. I'm so angry right now and there's a group ofa Frenchmen passed oat on me lawan.
OH DANNY BAOY!

Now where was I? Yes, last evening I was explaining to you how the British tarnished the good image of our (also a splash of Canadian from my Mother's side) nation's patron saint was blemished by the dirty Brits.
It wasn't enough that they bombed our country and sold Bono down the river, but they also took our holiday. So – what can you do? Please write your congressman and President Obama (not Irish) and let them know that this "liquoring" of our holiday must stop!

Thank you,

Shabazz X.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Some of the British (dash of Hugenot) have followed the Irish to the American Colonies and intend to persecute them there as well, Master Levi.
Long Live The Queen!