Gordon Dunne: Forest Management
"Let me introduce you to a friend of mine. His name is Matt the Match. You guys know what Matt the Match's specialty is?"
"No, what does he do?"
"He starts fires. And doesn't believe in Jesus Christ."
"A good rule of thumb is that if you can eat it - it's not poison. Like these mushrooms here. Taste pretty bad, but in a pinch, they'll get you through the day."
"Pretty sure none of that is true."
"Are you questioning a Forest Ranger?"
"Dude, we're in downtown Seattle."
"Well, there little fella, what are you doing out on your own in woods? Where are your parents."
(Dude, I'm a bear)
"Well, I imagine you could get high off of any of those mushrooms. But it's probably safer to know for sure. Let me ask that wood sprite over there."
"No. We do not carry guns. We carry bear mace and our own good wits. Bear mace, good wits, and charm. Bear mace, good wits, charm, and holy shti I shti my drawers - BEAR!"
"Now, if you see a cougar, you should act unafraid and approach it. This makes the cougar think you are superior. Now, with a bear, you want to try to trade with it. Like if you have some jewelry, ask the bear if he will trade some shrubs with you. This makes the bear and you equals. In bartering."
"Well, Jimmy, no Santa doesn't live here in the winter. I know what you're thinking - snow, elves, Santa."
"There's elves up here?"
"I AM GOD AND I WILL BRING THE MIGHTY STORM UPON YOU!"
"Dude's high."
"Folks, this is Wanda, the Park Helper Lady."
"Gordon, I'm a certified Parks Department Ranger."
"Park Helper Lady."
"Hello folks, while in the park, remember there is a 25 foot rule in regards to smoking. That means, if you get 25 feet from anything with a cigarette, you'll have to put it out. That includes the sidewalk."
"Folks, there's no "P" in bears. Let's keep it that way."
"Are you telling us not to pee on the bears?"
"For starters, yes."
"Are you insane?"
"DON'T PEE ON THE BEARS!"
Friday, January 14, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
John Hummus
There's a few things I know about pets, and I think the most important thing is that they are all animals.
Nine out of ten times you buy a dog, it's not a dog at all. No, it's a cat that is bizarrely affectionate...and two ferrets tied to it...in a dog suit...with a milk bone in its mouth. This is all true.
You know what really gets under my skin? Scabies. And then, after that, scabies medication.
The best movie about animals is Lassie. The best TV show is Mr. Ed. And the best music is Pet Sounds. A lot of you might think Pet Sounds had nothing to do with animals, until you realize that animals were used as instruments on that entire album.
My first dog was named Benji. I named him after Ben Franklin, the man who invented the dog.
Back in the 1900s people used to live in the 80s. This has nothing to do with animals.
Nine out of ten times, when you are buying pet food you are just buying somebody's old pet.
Man, have you seen the stars? You know, in the sky? All of those stars could have planets and all of those planets could have Animal Planet networks. Then where would you be?
Some people believe a man named Noah saved all the animals of the world by putting them on a boat and forcing them to have sex with each other. I think they called it the Love Boat.
I have a friend who is vegan. He can't believe that I love animals and also eat them. So, I asked him, do you love p*ssy?
Sometimes I find myself petting things that aren't animals. Like the phone or the bank teller. I guess the bank teller is an animal, but it's not like a National Geographic animal. Like those guys with Safari hats and - what was I talking about?
Remember Dr. Doolittle? Not the one with Eddie Murphy, but the one with Marlon Brando and Cloris Leachman? Of course you don't, it hasn't been made - YET!
I think it would be neat to see a dolphin kill a tiger.
I was at the mall today. Just soaking up the beauty of my old pet shop. Frank asked that I leave, and I did. But not before I could open a small Orange Julius inside the shop.
It it had been a late night. I was working from home. After I had been fired, for all those parakeets I shoplifted, I started my own online business selling ants. To make a long story short, the ants succombed to a brutal brain disease that decimated their population and left them in little mounds all over the aquarium I had put them in that I bought from my brother Michael last year, before I was fired, for 60 $ - what a rip off. I will never do business with my brother again since he rips me off all the time and I have to...
Nine out of ten times you buy a dog, it's not a dog at all. No, it's a cat that is bizarrely affectionate...and two ferrets tied to it...in a dog suit...with a milk bone in its mouth. This is all true.
You know what really gets under my skin? Scabies. And then, after that, scabies medication.
The best movie about animals is Lassie. The best TV show is Mr. Ed. And the best music is Pet Sounds. A lot of you might think Pet Sounds had nothing to do with animals, until you realize that animals were used as instruments on that entire album.
My first dog was named Benji. I named him after Ben Franklin, the man who invented the dog.
Back in the 1900s people used to live in the 80s. This has nothing to do with animals.
Nine out of ten times, when you are buying pet food you are just buying somebody's old pet.
Man, have you seen the stars? You know, in the sky? All of those stars could have planets and all of those planets could have Animal Planet networks. Then where would you be?
Some people believe a man named Noah saved all the animals of the world by putting them on a boat and forcing them to have sex with each other. I think they called it the Love Boat.
I have a friend who is vegan. He can't believe that I love animals and also eat them. So, I asked him, do you love p*ssy?
Sometimes I find myself petting things that aren't animals. Like the phone or the bank teller. I guess the bank teller is an animal, but it's not like a National Geographic animal. Like those guys with Safari hats and - what was I talking about?
Remember Dr. Doolittle? Not the one with Eddie Murphy, but the one with Marlon Brando and Cloris Leachman? Of course you don't, it hasn't been made - YET!
I think it would be neat to see a dolphin kill a tiger.
I was at the mall today. Just soaking up the beauty of my old pet shop. Frank asked that I leave, and I did. But not before I could open a small Orange Julius inside the shop.
It it had been a late night. I was working from home. After I had been fired, for all those parakeets I shoplifted, I started my own online business selling ants. To make a long story short, the ants succombed to a brutal brain disease that decimated their population and left them in little mounds all over the aquarium I had put them in that I bought from my brother Michael last year, before I was fired, for 60 $ - what a rip off. I will never do business with my brother again since he rips me off all the time and I have to...
Thursday, September 30, 2010
The Last Post
Episode IV: A New Hope
On Monday I had an ugly moment.
Hung over from a night of boobs and beer at Hooters, I walked passed the rag of polls called USATODAY and saw the ugly specter of Uncle Sam running across the United States with a headline that read "Bush up by 8 points." Or some such gibberish.
Immediately my heart sunk.
Why? Is a George Bush re-elect going to really screw up my life personally?
Probably.
But, more to the point, I don't watch sports. See, those with nothing but despair in their lives look towards the wins and gains of an awesome force of power to live vicariously through. And where your sportsfans of the world will tune in to watch the Seahawks lose miserably, I pay attention to politics. A win for Kerry will bring me out of the undertow that is my life for a brief five-day period after the election.
Now, a win for Bush will probably send me over the edge and I'll try to kill myself again using Ibuprofen and cooking Sherry.
So, when I saw the USATODAY I felt even more hungover and depressed.
But, then it occurred to me that USATODAY is basically like crack for Survivor junkies. Sure, it's a bunch of polls, news stories, and editorials based on real life; but, just like Survivor it's as far from real as Donald Trump's hair...or personality.
So, I immediately ran to my good friends at Zogby. CLICK ME
(P.S. I do the CLICK ME rather than put the link on the word Zogby because the hypertext is hard to point out in this stupid blog font.)
Zogby had the 96 race pinned by .1% and continues to be the IT pollster.
Numerous pieces of hope were found starting with Zogby. Zogby, currently, has Kerry and Bush in a dead heat in the popular polls, and Kerry with the win in the electoral college.
John Zogby has also made public his firm belief that Kerry will take this very, very close election.
But, what about USATODAY?
The poll, that they put on the front page like jackasses, was the sensational poll. It was the poll with the biggest gap.
They have all sorts of polls they run when finding out who is in the lead. The most popular are the registered voter and likely voter polls. Now, the likely voter poll is based on polls of people who voted in the last election.
I almost didn’t vote in the last election (Lieberman and Tipper Gore are Nazis).
But, that's not much of an argument. The real argument is that this poll doesn't take into account: cell phone only homes, the greatest registration of new voters since 1980, new to the polls 18 year olds, and all those so fractured out of the American dream that they're finally angry enough to vote.
This is the poll USATODAY put on the front page.
Now, in the same poll of registered voters, it was 48/46 (if I remember correctly) for Bush.
Again, keep in mind this has nothing to do with the Electoral Colleges.
But, again, when you look at the Zogby poll, you find that they are neck and neck, and a day later, Zogby even mentioned that the he's discounting large undecided portions that are leaning towards Kerry.
Also, in the Electoral Colleges, many of the states that were thought to be Bush's are within the margin of error. Where in the Kerry states, he's polling outside the MOE.
This is just a small snapshot, and obviously polls don't determine the presidency. But, I think it's a fair statement to say that Kerry has more than a good chance of turning out and upset for Bush this year.
Tony Danza once told me something that still sticks with me today "Keep hope alive!"
He was drunk and I ran into him in a strip club. It really has nothing to do with this blog, but I thought I'd mention it.
Peace.
On Monday I had an ugly moment.
Hung over from a night of boobs and beer at Hooters, I walked passed the rag of polls called USATODAY and saw the ugly specter of Uncle Sam running across the United States with a headline that read "Bush up by 8 points." Or some such gibberish.
Immediately my heart sunk.
Why? Is a George Bush re-elect going to really screw up my life personally?
Probably.
But, more to the point, I don't watch sports. See, those with nothing but despair in their lives look towards the wins and gains of an awesome force of power to live vicariously through. And where your sportsfans of the world will tune in to watch the Seahawks lose miserably, I pay attention to politics. A win for Kerry will bring me out of the undertow that is my life for a brief five-day period after the election.
Now, a win for Bush will probably send me over the edge and I'll try to kill myself again using Ibuprofen and cooking Sherry.
So, when I saw the USATODAY I felt even more hungover and depressed.
But, then it occurred to me that USATODAY is basically like crack for Survivor junkies. Sure, it's a bunch of polls, news stories, and editorials based on real life; but, just like Survivor it's as far from real as Donald Trump's hair...or personality.
So, I immediately ran to my good friends at Zogby. CLICK ME
(P.S. I do the CLICK ME rather than put the link on the word Zogby because the hypertext is hard to point out in this stupid blog font.)
Zogby had the 96 race pinned by .1% and continues to be the IT pollster.
Numerous pieces of hope were found starting with Zogby. Zogby, currently, has Kerry and Bush in a dead heat in the popular polls, and Kerry with the win in the electoral college.
John Zogby has also made public his firm belief that Kerry will take this very, very close election.
But, what about USATODAY?
The poll, that they put on the front page like jackasses, was the sensational poll. It was the poll with the biggest gap.
They have all sorts of polls they run when finding out who is in the lead. The most popular are the registered voter and likely voter polls. Now, the likely voter poll is based on polls of people who voted in the last election.
I almost didn’t vote in the last election (Lieberman and Tipper Gore are Nazis).
But, that's not much of an argument. The real argument is that this poll doesn't take into account: cell phone only homes, the greatest registration of new voters since 1980, new to the polls 18 year olds, and all those so fractured out of the American dream that they're finally angry enough to vote.
This is the poll USATODAY put on the front page.
Now, in the same poll of registered voters, it was 48/46 (if I remember correctly) for Bush.
Again, keep in mind this has nothing to do with the Electoral Colleges.
But, again, when you look at the Zogby poll, you find that they are neck and neck, and a day later, Zogby even mentioned that the he's discounting large undecided portions that are leaning towards Kerry.
Also, in the Electoral Colleges, many of the states that were thought to be Bush's are within the margin of error. Where in the Kerry states, he's polling outside the MOE.
This is just a small snapshot, and obviously polls don't determine the presidency. But, I think it's a fair statement to say that Kerry has more than a good chance of turning out and upset for Bush this year.
Tony Danza once told me something that still sticks with me today "Keep hope alive!"
He was drunk and I ran into him in a strip club. It really has nothing to do with this blog, but I thought I'd mention it.
Peace.
Ask Me About Jesus
Ask me About Jesus
So, I see this car out in the parking lot and it says "Ask me about Jesus." I thought to myself, "What is Jesus?"
So, when I finally got a hold of the woman I asked her about Jesus.
She said "Well, what would you like to know?"
I answered "Well, what is Jesus?"
She said "You don't know? You've never heard about Jesus?"
"No." I said.
She looked really taken aback. "Well, Jesus was the son of God."
I said "So, he's not anymore?"
"No, no, no. Yes, yes he is. He's the son of God and our Lord and Savior."
"So, God isn't the Lord anymore? Jesus is now?"
"No, they both are. It's really hard for me to explain right now, and I'm late for an appointment."
"Well, can we schedule something?"
"Um...sure, what's your number or email?"
"Do you have a pen?"
"Sure." She handed me a pen and I wrote my info down.
After about two weeks of waiting to find out about Jesus, I ran into her in the parking lot again.
"Jesus!" I said. "What the fuck? Where have you been?"
She got all freaked out and backed up. I was kinda pissed off that she snubbed me on the whole Jesus thing.
"Please don't hurt me." She was really freaked out.
"Jesus! I want to know about Jesus!" I yelled.
She started running and I made chase. I was obsessed with Jesus and what he could do for me.
"Help! Police!" She screamed. But, I didn't care. The way I looked at it was that if she knew something about the Lord of all of us, maybe I could get a sweet car or something.
"JESUS! I WANT TO LEARN MORE! PLEASE TELL ME WHERE TO FIND HIM!"
She kept running, and I ran out of breath and stopped for a smoke.
It's really a shame, too. Because I never got to find out about Jesus. So, I'm thinking maybe he's like Batman or Superman or something. Like, maybe he's super rich and gets all the women. Man, I wish I knew more about Jesus.
CODA
So, I saw this car and it said ASK ME ABOUT JESUS, so I asked the driver about Jesus and then I punched him in the face. And then I saw this other car and it said BUSH/CHENEY 2000, so I punched him in the face. Then this cop pulled me over and he was all like, "Hey, why are you-" and I punched him in the face. Then I sped off in my 1985 Prelude and went to Arby's and I ordered a Happy Meal and the guy's all like "Hey, this isn't-" and then I punched him in the face. Then I saw this woman walking a dog and I said "Hey, that's a nice dog." and she punched me in the face.
So, I see this car out in the parking lot and it says "Ask me about Jesus." I thought to myself, "What is Jesus?"
So, when I finally got a hold of the woman I asked her about Jesus.
She said "Well, what would you like to know?"
I answered "Well, what is Jesus?"
She said "You don't know? You've never heard about Jesus?"
"No." I said.
She looked really taken aback. "Well, Jesus was the son of God."
I said "So, he's not anymore?"
"No, no, no. Yes, yes he is. He's the son of God and our Lord and Savior."
"So, God isn't the Lord anymore? Jesus is now?"
"No, they both are. It's really hard for me to explain right now, and I'm late for an appointment."
"Well, can we schedule something?"
"Um...sure, what's your number or email?"
"Do you have a pen?"
"Sure." She handed me a pen and I wrote my info down.
After about two weeks of waiting to find out about Jesus, I ran into her in the parking lot again.
"Jesus!" I said. "What the fuck? Where have you been?"
She got all freaked out and backed up. I was kinda pissed off that she snubbed me on the whole Jesus thing.
"Please don't hurt me." She was really freaked out.
"Jesus! I want to know about Jesus!" I yelled.
She started running and I made chase. I was obsessed with Jesus and what he could do for me.
"Help! Police!" She screamed. But, I didn't care. The way I looked at it was that if she knew something about the Lord of all of us, maybe I could get a sweet car or something.
"JESUS! I WANT TO LEARN MORE! PLEASE TELL ME WHERE TO FIND HIM!"
She kept running, and I ran out of breath and stopped for a smoke.
It's really a shame, too. Because I never got to find out about Jesus. So, I'm thinking maybe he's like Batman or Superman or something. Like, maybe he's super rich and gets all the women. Man, I wish I knew more about Jesus.
CODA
So, I saw this car and it said ASK ME ABOUT JESUS, so I asked the driver about Jesus and then I punched him in the face. And then I saw this other car and it said BUSH/CHENEY 2000, so I punched him in the face. Then this cop pulled me over and he was all like, "Hey, why are you-" and I punched him in the face. Then I sped off in my 1985 Prelude and went to Arby's and I ordered a Happy Meal and the guy's all like "Hey, this isn't-" and then I punched him in the face. Then I saw this woman walking a dog and I said "Hey, that's a nice dog." and she punched me in the face.
too friendly cafe
and they both specialize in frosty milkshakes and have a plethora of flavors.
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 2:15 PM
To: Josh MacDonald; Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
because then you have to polish it off
-----Original Message-----
From: Josh MacDonald
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 2:07 PM
To: Matt Eckert; Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
finding a good burger joint is like finding a rare jewel.
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:46 PM
To: Scott McCarron; Josh MacDonald
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
josh, it's like dick's. i can't find the address. i'll let you know.
this is important.
-----Original Message-----
From: Scott McCarron
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:44 PM
To: Matt Eckert; Josh MacDonald
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
If you watch the original Star Wars movies the Death Star explodes in a big round cloud....in the "newer" versions of the originals it almost explodes in a ring...almost looks like a ring around Saturn when it blows up....
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:43 PM
To: Scott McCarron; Josh MacDonald
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
wtf?
-----Original Message-----
From: Scott McCarron
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:42 PM
To: Matt Eckert; Josh MacDonald
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
The one before it exploded sideways?
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:41 PM
To: Scott McCarron; Josh MacDonald
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
as the old, old death star
-----Original Message-----
From: Scott McCarron
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:40 PM
To: Matt Eckert; Josh MacDonald
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
As a Jedi ghost?
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:40 PM
To: Josh MacDonald
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
i heard nell carter makes a cameo
-----Original Message-----
From: Josh MacDonald
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:36 PM
To: Matt Eckert
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
it should be better then the first two, it's supposed to be darker and chewier.
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:29 PM
To: Josh MacDonald
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
i'll bet it will be better than the last two. perhaps better than empire.
the second one really wasn't bad in my opinion.
-----Original Message-----
From: Josh MacDonald
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:26 PM
To: Matt Eckert
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
the trailer for episode three debuts in thirteen days. the return of darth.
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 12:55 PM
To: Josh MacDonald
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
try not, just do
so, i sorry the three star wars dvds. Let me just say Empire is the only one that holds up.
Worst moments: jabba scene in new hope, claymation or whatever in jabba's bar, and the installment of a new darth vader ghost in the end of jedi.
-----Original Message-----
From: Josh MacDonald
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 12:52 PM
To: Matt Eckert
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
I say we meet at RR or Cucina to start.
I'll try and get off early.
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 12:49 PM
To: Josh MacDonald
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
the roadhouse. i know this guy - patrick swayze, he runs a tight joint.
try to get out early. i'm off at five.
-----Original Message-----
From: Josh MacDonald
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 12:49 PM
To: Matt Eckert
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
I'll cover you. where shall we meet?
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 12:46 PM
To: Josh MacDonald
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
as long as you and scott pay, sure.
-----Original Message-----
From: Josh MacDonald
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 12:45 PM
To: Matt Eckert
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
no, but if you're interested in getting a drink somewhere on the eastside around 6 let me know.
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 12:43 PM
To: Josh MacDonald
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
anything going on tonight?
-----Original Message-----
From: Josh MacDonald
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 11:51 AM
To: Scott McCarron; Matt Eckert; Shannon Lord; Ross Payne
Cc: Shanna Payne
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
what time?
-----Original Message-----
From: Scott McCarron
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 11:40 AM
To: Matt Eckert; Shannon Lord; Josh MacDonald; Ross Payne
Cc: Shanna Payne
Subject: Issaquah Cafe?
Shanna and I are going to Issaquah Cafe for lunch if anyone is interested in going there......
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 2:15 PM
To: Josh MacDonald; Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
because then you have to polish it off
-----Original Message-----
From: Josh MacDonald
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 2:07 PM
To: Matt Eckert; Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
finding a good burger joint is like finding a rare jewel.
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:46 PM
To: Scott McCarron; Josh MacDonald
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
josh, it's like dick's. i can't find the address. i'll let you know.
this is important.
-----Original Message-----
From: Scott McCarron
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:44 PM
To: Matt Eckert; Josh MacDonald
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
If you watch the original Star Wars movies the Death Star explodes in a big round cloud....in the "newer" versions of the originals it almost explodes in a ring...almost looks like a ring around Saturn when it blows up....
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:43 PM
To: Scott McCarron; Josh MacDonald
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
wtf?
-----Original Message-----
From: Scott McCarron
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:42 PM
To: Matt Eckert; Josh MacDonald
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
The one before it exploded sideways?
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:41 PM
To: Scott McCarron; Josh MacDonald
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
as the old, old death star
-----Original Message-----
From: Scott McCarron
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:40 PM
To: Matt Eckert; Josh MacDonald
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
As a Jedi ghost?
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:40 PM
To: Josh MacDonald
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
i heard nell carter makes a cameo
-----Original Message-----
From: Josh MacDonald
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:36 PM
To: Matt Eckert
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
it should be better then the first two, it's supposed to be darker and chewier.
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:29 PM
To: Josh MacDonald
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
i'll bet it will be better than the last two. perhaps better than empire.
the second one really wasn't bad in my opinion.
-----Original Message-----
From: Josh MacDonald
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:26 PM
To: Matt Eckert
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
the trailer for episode three debuts in thirteen days. the return of darth.
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 12:55 PM
To: Josh MacDonald
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
try not, just do
so, i sorry the three star wars dvds. Let me just say Empire is the only one that holds up.
Worst moments: jabba scene in new hope, claymation or whatever in jabba's bar, and the installment of a new darth vader ghost in the end of jedi.
-----Original Message-----
From: Josh MacDonald
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 12:52 PM
To: Matt Eckert
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
I say we meet at RR or Cucina to start.
I'll try and get off early.
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 12:49 PM
To: Josh MacDonald
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
the roadhouse. i know this guy - patrick swayze, he runs a tight joint.
try to get out early. i'm off at five.
-----Original Message-----
From: Josh MacDonald
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 12:49 PM
To: Matt Eckert
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
I'll cover you. where shall we meet?
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 12:46 PM
To: Josh MacDonald
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
as long as you and scott pay, sure.
-----Original Message-----
From: Josh MacDonald
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 12:45 PM
To: Matt Eckert
Cc: Scott McCarron
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
no, but if you're interested in getting a drink somewhere on the eastside around 6 let me know.
-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Eckert
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 12:43 PM
To: Josh MacDonald
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
anything going on tonight?
-----Original Message-----
From: Josh MacDonald
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 11:51 AM
To: Scott McCarron; Matt Eckert; Shannon Lord; Ross Payne
Cc: Shanna Payne
Subject: RE: Issaquah Cafe?
what time?
-----Original Message-----
From: Scott McCarron
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 11:40 AM
To: Matt Eckert; Shannon Lord; Josh MacDonald; Ross Payne
Cc: Shanna Payne
Subject: Issaquah Cafe?
Shanna and I are going to Issaquah Cafe for lunch if anyone is interested in going there......
Campaign Head and Quarters
Extreme Election Advertising
John Kerry:
MY FELLOW AMERICANS, YOU WANT A PRESIDENT THAT RAWKS!!!! DO YOU WANNA KICK THOSE REPUBLICANS TO THE CURB? WELL, THEN VOTE KERRY THIS YEAR AND SHOW THOSE RADICAL RIGHTS THAT YOU'RE TIRED OF THEIR TRASH TALKIN'! YOU WANT HEALTH CARE? WE GOT IT. SOCIAL SECURITY – GOT. MEDICAIDE? YOU BET YOUR ASS! P DIDDY IS VOTING KERRY AND SO IS PEARL JAM!!!! PEARL JAM!!!!!!!! SO, WHEN YOU CAST YOUR VOTE THIS YEAR, THINK P DIDDY, PEARL JAM, AND HEALTH CARE!!! VOTE OR DIE, FOOL!!!!
George W. Bush:
BOO YEAH! WHO'S THE MAN WHO TAUGHT TERRORISTS HOW TO DIE? WHO PUT THE NUKE IN NUCLEAR! YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING, G? IT'S W., YA'LL. IN THE HIZZIE MAKIN' THE TERRORISTS GO STRAIGHT KRIZZIE! YOU WANNA SEE TELIVISED EXECUTIONS UP IN YOUR MUG? WE GOT THAT. YOU WANNA PRAISE THE LORD WITH YOUR BABY'S MOMMA? WE GOT THAT. YOU WANNA SEE MORE SHIT EXPLODE WITH HEADS AND ARMS FLYING TO AND FRO? GUESS WHAT? WE GOT THAT! SO, THIS YEAR THINK BOO YEAH, KA BOODICA – W. BUSH YA'LL.
John Kerry:
MY FELLOW AMERICANS, YOU WANT A PRESIDENT THAT RAWKS!!!! DO YOU WANNA KICK THOSE REPUBLICANS TO THE CURB? WELL, THEN VOTE KERRY THIS YEAR AND SHOW THOSE RADICAL RIGHTS THAT YOU'RE TIRED OF THEIR TRASH TALKIN'! YOU WANT HEALTH CARE? WE GOT IT. SOCIAL SECURITY – GOT. MEDICAIDE? YOU BET YOUR ASS! P DIDDY IS VOTING KERRY AND SO IS PEARL JAM!!!! PEARL JAM!!!!!!!! SO, WHEN YOU CAST YOUR VOTE THIS YEAR, THINK P DIDDY, PEARL JAM, AND HEALTH CARE!!! VOTE OR DIE, FOOL!!!!
George W. Bush:
BOO YEAH! WHO'S THE MAN WHO TAUGHT TERRORISTS HOW TO DIE? WHO PUT THE NUKE IN NUCLEAR! YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING, G? IT'S W., YA'LL. IN THE HIZZIE MAKIN' THE TERRORISTS GO STRAIGHT KRIZZIE! YOU WANNA SEE TELIVISED EXECUTIONS UP IN YOUR MUG? WE GOT THAT. YOU WANNA PRAISE THE LORD WITH YOUR BABY'S MOMMA? WE GOT THAT. YOU WANNA SEE MORE SHIT EXPLODE WITH HEADS AND ARMS FLYING TO AND FRO? GUESS WHAT? WE GOT THAT! SO, THIS YEAR THINK BOO YEAH, KA BOODICA – W. BUSH YA'LL.
election 2004
Pol Ads
Seems odd that you can't show a boob on TV, but you can scare the living shit out of Americans everywhere with complete bullshit about Democratic candidates.
In this spirit, I present...
The End of the World
It's election time and this may be the beginning of a series of events that will leave the Earth as desolate and useless as W.'s mouth.
So, let's look into IF GEORGE BUSH IS RE-ELECTED.....just in time for Halloween.
Well, on the domestic front, four Supreme Court justices will be replaced by conservative automatons that will strike down Roe vs. Wade and amend the constitution to prohibit gay marriage.
But, they won't stop there. Any woman who has ever had an abortion and anyone who has participated in gay sex will be hunted down by the Moral Enforcement Agency and will be beaten summarily without trial or conviction. The mere rumor that you once went down on your roommate in college will spell an end so brutal and tragic your parents will not be able to identify your body.
Because your body will used as fuel for spaceships to Mars.
That's right. Mr. Bush will continue onward with his plans to populate Mars with "Missionaries for a Stellar Christ." These missionaries will enslave the Martian race (later to be found) and use them to hunt down Jews.
That's right! The President will enact a law that all Jews are to be rounded up, imprisoned and shipped to Israel, which will be cordoned off as a prison state in the wait for Armageddon, when the Jews will be converted to Christ and any Muslim left will be shot straight into Hell!!!
That's right! Muslims will be hunted down and a reward will be given to any man who brings the U.S. government a Muslim heart. These hearts will also be used as fuel, but for the fuel to power......are you ready for this?..........DICK CHENEY!
That's right! Dick Cheney will live off the hearts of Muslims and will never grow old and will take on the Overlordship in 2008.
That's right! We will cease to have elections after 2004, instead we will anoint Dick Cheney uber Overlord to lord over the ongoing "Earth War."
That's right! The Earth will be plummeted into an ongoing World War to ensure the peace. The military/industrial complex will be powered by this Earth War, creating mindless jobs for the many sedated servants of the Cheney.
That's right! Dick Cheney will cease to be Dick Cheney, but, rather "the Cheney." A mechanical beast that lives on the hearts of dead Muslims and will greet Satan himself for.....
Dick Cheney is the AntiChrist. Fulfilling the Christian Right's ideas of Armageddon, the Cheney is actually perpetuating Satan's masterstroke of enslaving the world under his tyranny.
Jesus will then show up and projectile vomit on spot inspection of the Earth. He will then look upon the Earth and send anyone who voted Bush/Cheney to hell in a handbasket and then he will laugh on into the night!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Ok, probably none of that will happen....Except the Dick Cheney parts....well, the part where he lives off humans and changes his name to "the Cheney."
But, let's face it: the ideas are plausible and that's pretty chilling.
Well, parts of them are. Like the Supreme Court part. Well, kinda.
OK, look, if you've seen any of the ads on TV lately, it's not like I have a bigger imagination.
P.S. I have a picture of George Nethercutt and Dave Reichert riding a tandem bike naked while eating the remains of dead Iraqis.
OK, I don't have that picture. But, you know....it's not like this is sponsored by anyone, so I can say what I want, right?
P.S. FIRE!!!!!!!! FIRE!!!!!!!! EVERONE FLEE!!!!!!!
P.S. Parental Advisory. This message contained explicit bullshit.
Seems odd that you can't show a boob on TV, but you can scare the living shit out of Americans everywhere with complete bullshit about Democratic candidates.
In this spirit, I present...
The End of the World
It's election time and this may be the beginning of a series of events that will leave the Earth as desolate and useless as W.'s mouth.
So, let's look into IF GEORGE BUSH IS RE-ELECTED.....just in time for Halloween.
Well, on the domestic front, four Supreme Court justices will be replaced by conservative automatons that will strike down Roe vs. Wade and amend the constitution to prohibit gay marriage.
But, they won't stop there. Any woman who has ever had an abortion and anyone who has participated in gay sex will be hunted down by the Moral Enforcement Agency and will be beaten summarily without trial or conviction. The mere rumor that you once went down on your roommate in college will spell an end so brutal and tragic your parents will not be able to identify your body.
Because your body will used as fuel for spaceships to Mars.
That's right. Mr. Bush will continue onward with his plans to populate Mars with "Missionaries for a Stellar Christ." These missionaries will enslave the Martian race (later to be found) and use them to hunt down Jews.
That's right! The President will enact a law that all Jews are to be rounded up, imprisoned and shipped to Israel, which will be cordoned off as a prison state in the wait for Armageddon, when the Jews will be converted to Christ and any Muslim left will be shot straight into Hell!!!
That's right! Muslims will be hunted down and a reward will be given to any man who brings the U.S. government a Muslim heart. These hearts will also be used as fuel, but for the fuel to power......are you ready for this?..........DICK CHENEY!
That's right! Dick Cheney will live off the hearts of Muslims and will never grow old and will take on the Overlordship in 2008.
That's right! We will cease to have elections after 2004, instead we will anoint Dick Cheney uber Overlord to lord over the ongoing "Earth War."
That's right! The Earth will be plummeted into an ongoing World War to ensure the peace. The military/industrial complex will be powered by this Earth War, creating mindless jobs for the many sedated servants of the Cheney.
That's right! Dick Cheney will cease to be Dick Cheney, but, rather "the Cheney." A mechanical beast that lives on the hearts of dead Muslims and will greet Satan himself for.....
Dick Cheney is the AntiChrist. Fulfilling the Christian Right's ideas of Armageddon, the Cheney is actually perpetuating Satan's masterstroke of enslaving the world under his tyranny.
Jesus will then show up and projectile vomit on spot inspection of the Earth. He will then look upon the Earth and send anyone who voted Bush/Cheney to hell in a handbasket and then he will laugh on into the night!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Ok, probably none of that will happen....Except the Dick Cheney parts....well, the part where he lives off humans and changes his name to "the Cheney."
But, let's face it: the ideas are plausible and that's pretty chilling.
Well, parts of them are. Like the Supreme Court part. Well, kinda.
OK, look, if you've seen any of the ads on TV lately, it's not like I have a bigger imagination.
P.S. I have a picture of George Nethercutt and Dave Reichert riding a tandem bike naked while eating the remains of dead Iraqis.
OK, I don't have that picture. But, you know....it's not like this is sponsored by anyone, so I can say what I want, right?
P.S. FIRE!!!!!!!! FIRE!!!!!!!! EVERONE FLEE!!!!!!!
P.S. Parental Advisory. This message contained explicit bullshit.
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