Thursday, September 30, 2010

election 2004

Pol Ads

Seems odd that you can't show a boob on TV, but you can scare the living shit out of Americans everywhere with complete bullshit about Democratic candidates.
In this spirit, I present...

The End of the World

It's election time and this may be the beginning of a series of events that will leave the Earth as desolate and useless as W.'s mouth.
So, let's look into IF GEORGE BUSH IS RE-ELECTED.....just in time for Halloween.

Well, on the domestic front, four Supreme Court justices will be replaced by conservative automatons that will strike down Roe vs. Wade and amend the constitution to prohibit gay marriage.
But, they won't stop there. Any woman who has ever had an abortion and anyone who has participated in gay sex will be hunted down by the Moral Enforcement Agency and will be beaten summarily without trial or conviction. The mere rumor that you once went down on your roommate in college will spell an end so brutal and tragic your parents will not be able to identify your body.
Because your body will used as fuel for spaceships to Mars.
That's right. Mr. Bush will continue onward with his plans to populate Mars with "Missionaries for a Stellar Christ." These missionaries will enslave the Martian race (later to be found) and use them to hunt down Jews.
That's right! The President will enact a law that all Jews are to be rounded up, imprisoned and shipped to Israel, which will be cordoned off as a prison state in the wait for Armageddon, when the Jews will be converted to Christ and any Muslim left will be shot straight into Hell!!!
That's right! Muslims will be hunted down and a reward will be given to any man who brings the U.S. government a Muslim heart. These hearts will also be used as fuel, but for the fuel to power......are you ready for this?..........DICK CHENEY!
That's right! Dick Cheney will live off the hearts of Muslims and will never grow old and will take on the Overlordship in 2008.
That's right! We will cease to have elections after 2004, instead we will anoint Dick Cheney uber Overlord to lord over the ongoing "Earth War."
That's right! The Earth will be plummeted into an ongoing World War to ensure the peace. The military/industrial complex will be powered by this Earth War, creating mindless jobs for the many sedated servants of the Cheney.
That's right! Dick Cheney will cease to be Dick Cheney, but, rather "the Cheney." A mechanical beast that lives on the hearts of dead Muslims and will greet Satan himself for.....
Dick Cheney is the AntiChrist. Fulfilling the Christian Right's ideas of Armageddon, the Cheney is actually perpetuating Satan's masterstroke of enslaving the world under his tyranny.
Jesus will then show up and projectile vomit on spot inspection of the Earth. He will then look upon the Earth and send anyone who voted Bush/Cheney to hell in a handbasket and then he will laugh on into the night!

Ok, probably none of that will happen....Except the Dick Cheney parts....well, the part where he lives off humans and changes his name to "the Cheney."
But, let's face it: the ideas are plausible and that's pretty chilling.
Well, parts of them are. Like the Supreme Court part. Well, kinda.
OK, look, if you've seen any of the ads on TV lately, it's not like I have a bigger imagination.

P.S. I have a picture of George Nethercutt and Dave Reichert riding a tandem bike naked while eating the remains of dead Iraqis.

OK, I don't have that picture. But, you's not like this is sponsored by anyone, so I can say what I want, right?

P.S. FIRE!!!!!!!! FIRE!!!!!!!! EVERONE FLEE!!!!!!!
P.S. Parental Advisory. This message contained explicit bullshit.

No comments: