The Mayor

The Hangman

Duncan stepped into the office. "Nice joint." He said as he fingered the many volumes of books on the elaborate book case.
"Thank you. Are you a reader?" The Kraut asked. He sat at a bare desk, with only a notepad and long pen, jutting from a golden holder.
"Yeah, I've read 'em all. The Who Dunnits, the Mysteries, the Funnies." Duncan cracked.
"You don't enjoy fine literature?" The Kraut stroked his cat.
"You mean Mein Kampf? Mein Nazi? Mein Murder!" Hammer laid both hands down on the Kraut's desk. The sweat on his brow dripping on the fine mahogany.
The Kraut continued stroking his cat. "I don't know that reading. Please indulge me."
Hammer just kept staring at him, breathing even harder now. The look in his eyes slowly bringing the Kraut to confession.
"All right! I did it! She scorned me!" The Kraut yelled.
"I…I knew it." Hammer breathed.
"STOP STARING AT ME!"
"I can't. If I look down and see that pen that's stuck in my hand I'll faint."

LA Bound

It had been a whole month in Atlanta.
When the plane landed, Hammer was relieved.
The Kraut was on his way to the long burn, and Hammer was happily enjoying a Scotch.
"May I have some peanuts, Miss?" Hammer asked the stewardess.
She handed him the peanuts. "Miss, these are free, correct?"
"Yes, sir. Complimentary."
"My God it's good to be back in the ole' US."

The Night Before You Die

"It looks like it's gonna be a hot one today, Barry." Hammer smiled from behind his tuna sandwich.
"Yep. Say it'll reach 100. Can't say I like it." Barry replied as he shined his meat slicer.
"Say, Barry, you ever think about death?"
"Why no. Why should I? I'm only 40. Have this place. The wife. I would imagine it would take something out of the ordinary to kill a man like me." He smiled at Hammer. "I guess I'm lucky."
"Yeah. Me – I don't know. In this business you're more likely gonna be dead the next day than alive."
"I see your meaning. Maybe you should get out of the business. Ha. Open a deli. Can't find anything safer than –" Barry screamed. "My tie! It's stuck in the slic –" But before Barry could finish, any other words he would utter were sprayed from the slicer to the front window.
"I'll stick to my day job, Barry." Hammer left a twenty on the blood stained counter and began whistling as he left the building.

Murder, Inc.

"Mr. Hammer. It occurs to us that you may be the only man who can stop the syndicate." The mayor looked uncomfortable as he looked around at Hammer's collection of ape bottoms.
"See something you like?" Hammer asked.
"No sir!" The mayor retorted.
"I collect ape buttocks. You think that's queer?" Hammer said from behind a grin and a toothpick.
"Sir, what a man collects is his business. I heard you were strange, but I also heard you were dependable."
"Like a trash can."
The mayor looked perplexed. "Well, yes. Yes, I guess so."
"You don't guess so. You know so. Look, you ever have a trash can break down on you?"
"Why no."
"Of course not. It's a trash can. How's it gonna break?" Hammer was adamant.
"Well, I guess it could…it could be dented."
"Sure, but it still functions as a trash can, right?"
"Right."
"So I guess I'm just the trash can? Somewhere to dump bad business." Hammer stood up.
"No. I mean. Wait – you said you were a trash can."
"That's right. And now it's time to take out the trash." Hammer walked to the wash closet. "I may be in here for awhile."

The Last Time You Breathe

"Hammer. Duncan Hammer. Yeah, I know him." The rat mafio stroked his mustache as he looked at the photo. "How much?"
The mayor looked at Slick Eddie and cringed. "How much do you want?"
"How much do you have?"
"I have as much as it costs to kill Duncan Hammer."
"Why do you want him killed?"
"Why do you care?"
"Cuz I gotta kill him."
"That doesn't really enter into it."
"Sure it does. What am I supposed to say to him before I squeeze the trigger?"
"You say…you say…something like 'This isn't personal. It's for money.'"
"Yeah. Yeah. How it was for 1 million dollars."
"Yes. Exactly." The mayor sniffed. "Wait – one million?" He shook his head. "Nice try, Slick Eddie."
Slick Eddie shrugged and smiled.

The Case Was Murder

"Hammer, this is nothing personal. It's for money." Eddie was looking around nervously as he held the gun at Hammer.
"How much?" Hammer said and then spit.
"C'mon, Hammer. It doesn't matter."
"Who?"
"C'mon – tell you what. I'll tell you one or the other."
"OK. How much?"
"Five dollars."
"Damn that cheap mayor!"