Wednesday, October 15, 2008

More Hammer

More Duncan Hammer, P.I.

The Case of the Bat in the Dark

Duncan Hammer had heard a lot of cases in his time, but the case of the bat in the dark was one for the books. It seems that a little handful of brass and sex appeal had wondered into Hammer's office around midnight, demanding his services.
"What can I do for you, lady?" Hammer asked.
"I need a P.I. A good one. Are you a good P.I.?" She asked as she licked her lips.
Hammer responded quickly "What's the trouble lady?"
"My husband…he was hit over the head with –" She turned around into the darkness of the office.
"One of these?" Hammer asked as he hit her over the head with the bat.

When the Rainman Commeth

Hammer sat staring out over the LA landscape he had propped up over the window overlooking the alley.
"It never rains in this town. It never rains." Then he lit his cigar and tripped the sprinkler system.
"God damn this city."

The Eagles Will Nest

"Hammer! It's Jenette, Franky's on the phone and he says he means business!"
Hammer coolly looked at the phone and decided not to take it. He'd dealt with Franky before and when Franky meant business, he could mean a lot of things.
Like maybe Franky was wanted for murder, or Franky needed help getting dressed for the big date, or maybe Franky just wanted a ham sandwich.
"Hammer! It's Jenette, Franky's says it's urgent!"
Hammer smiled at the phone. "Not this time, pal."
Moments later, Franky burst into the office waving a ham sandwich with a knife in his back.
"Well, I'll be damned." Hammer whispered. "How'd he get the sandwich?"

The Women of Tardash Street

In all his years on the force, and all his years as a P.I., Hammer had never seen such sultry dames in his life.
Standing there, all lined up on the brick wall, they smoked cigarettes and prattled on about Louie this and Joey that. Hammer knew whom they were talking about: pimps, dealers, and other assorted human waste.
"It really breaks your heart." Hammer said to Jenette.
"But Mister Hammer, which one is the Tardash Raven?""That's for you to find out. You're going undercover.""Undercover? But what do I have to do?"
"You know."
"You want me to..(gulp)?"
"Exactly!" Hammer said as he hit her on the back and drove her out into the rest of the prostitutes.

Hammer Special #1: The Death of Jenette

The squak box had been muttering more death in the big city and Hammer had had his fair share of it. As he leaned over to turn off the box he heard " – Jenette Brislow, found dead".
Immediately, he turned the box back on and waited for more details. " – in trial after trial, and Tums was found to alleviate the pain and bring her back to normal."
"I'll be damned!" Hammer said. "Tums is amazing."

Hammer Special #2: The Death of Jenette

"So, you're telling me that Jenette is dead again?" Hammer held the doctor by the throat; Hammer's cigar almost touching the doctor's forehead.
"No. I'm not telling you that. Jenette is dead and she's only been dead –"
"Yes?"
"Once."
"So, the Tums didn't work?"
"What are you talking about? Aaaaaarrrrrrrhg!" Hammer's cigar sunk into the man's forehead.
"I'm talking about the Tums you used to revive her!" The doctor slid down the door and passed out.
Hammer looked around the doctor's office. Seeing a pair of shoes on the ground he made his way towards them. He looked inside.
"Dr. Scholl, huh? You said your name was doctor Zinn." Hammer pulled his pistol and shot Dr. Sholl.

Hammer Special #3: The Death of Jenette

So, to wrap things up, Hammer decided to go to Barry's for his tuna on a Kaiser roll. It was Barry's specialty.
"What's the good word, Hammer?" Barry asked, as he sliced the bread.
"There's no good word in this damn city. Just criminals and dead bodies. I lost a loved one this week. Want to see her?" Hammer handed Barry his wallet.
"Sure." Barry said. He examined the wallet. "There's no picture here."
"I know." Hammer said.Then he pulled out his other wallet.

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