Some More Stories and Stuff

STORIES OF PAIN AND SUFFERING

This Big Dog I Once Saw

This one time, when I was six I saw this big dog. It was so big. I walked up to it and asked if it was a dinosaur. The owner laughed at me and I shit my pants. I was only six.

I Once Blacked Out

When I was 18 I was trying to nail this board to a wall in my Mom's house. I had been reading about lumberjacks and I thought this would be a good way to learn what it was like to be a lumberjack. So, I was like hammering this nail into the wall as hard as I could and I got all out of breath and I blacked out. When I woke up I had shit my pants.

I Was Denied the Right to Vote

There's been a lot of talk about voting in this year's election and I've been really excited about it. But when I went to vote I was denied my right to vote because I didn't go to that school, didn't know what student council was, and I had shit my pants.

My Story of Racism

You may not know this, but I am a man of color. One day I was walking down the street and this guy goes, Hey Pink Face! Real loud. I was like Wow, in this day and age? I didn't shit my pants, though.

Cruel Women Have Tortured My Soul

It's no secret that women are cruel to me and have broken my heart. Take Melissa, she was this girl that I dated for twelve years. I wanted to get married, but she left me for another man. Then, after she had left me, she would call me and leave the phone off the hook while she made love to her new boyfriend. And I would listen and cry. Then, she came to my place and set my apartment on fire. Then she called all my friends and said I was dead. At that point I decided that it was time to get even. So I bought myself a brand new car.

I Have Been Shot in a War

When I was younger we were playing war and we would shoot each other with water guns. I got shot in the face. Years later, I went to a real war and I really got shot in the face, but with bullets. When it happened, I thought back to that time when I got shot with water in the face and I tried to figure out what exactly the difference was. But it was too late, I had shit my pants.