Ask Me About Jesus

Ask me About Jesus

So, I see this car out in the parking lot and it says "Ask me about Jesus." I thought to myself, "What is Jesus?"
So, when I finally got a hold of the woman I asked her about Jesus.
She said "Well, what would you like to know?"
I answered "Well, what is Jesus?"
She said "You don't know? You've never heard about Jesus?"
"No." I said.
She looked really taken aback. "Well, Jesus was the son of God."
I said "So, he's not anymore?"
"No, no, no. Yes, yes he is. He's the son of God and our Lord and Savior."
"So, God isn't the Lord anymore? Jesus is now?"
"No, they both are. It's really hard for me to explain right now, and I'm late for an appointment."
"Well, can we schedule something?"
"Um...sure, what's your number or email?"
"Do you have a pen?"
"Sure." She handed me a pen and I wrote my info down.
After about two weeks of waiting to find out about Jesus, I ran into her in the parking lot again.
"Jesus!" I said. "What the fuck? Where have you been?"
She got all freaked out and backed up. I was kinda pissed off that she snubbed me on the whole Jesus thing.
"Please don't hurt me." She was really freaked out.
"Jesus! I want to know about Jesus!" I yelled.
She started running and I made chase. I was obsessed with Jesus and what he could do for me.
"Help! Police!" She screamed. But, I didn't care. The way I looked at it was that if she knew something about the Lord of all of us, maybe I could get a sweet car or something.
"JESUS! I WANT TO LEARN MORE! PLEASE TELL ME WHERE TO FIND HIM!"
She kept running, and I ran out of breath and stopped for a smoke.
It's really a shame, too. Because I never got to find out about Jesus. So, I'm thinking maybe he's like Batman or Superman or something. Like, maybe he's super rich and gets all the women. Man, I wish I knew more about Jesus.

CODA

So, I saw this car and it said ASK ME ABOUT JESUS, so I asked the driver about Jesus and then I punched him in the face. And then I saw this other car and it said BUSH/CHENEY 2000, so I punched him in the face. Then this cop pulled me over and he was all like, "Hey, why are you-" and I punched him in the face. Then I sped off in my 1985 Prelude and went to Arby's and I ordered a Happy Meal and the guy's all like "Hey, this isn't-" and then I punched him in the face. Then I saw this woman walking a dog and I said "Hey, that's a nice dog." and she punched me in the face.