Monday, April 5, 2010

I'll Be Back

I Lack Skillz

"Fuck....shit! Shit! Where the....fuck! Jesus fucking Christ! Fucking bastard...where the fuck?!"

This was the man next to me at 7-11 this morning.

The guy who works the counter was doing inventory, or something, and this guy next to me started losing it because he had to wait an extra minute for the guy to get back to the counter.

I got a coffee and a pack of smokes on that credit card I got a while back. I'm signing the electronic card reader thingy and thinking the guy is probably going to lynch me for paying for smokes and coffee with a credit card.

Ugly morning.

Last night I went to Erin's and watched that special about UFOs. It was fucking lame. So, Erin mentions something about the phenomenon called "Rods."

Rods are these ghost bugs that are only caught on camera, and according to one website, they only show up around disasters, as the only pics they had were of Rods in Baghdad during the invasion, and around the Hindenberg when it went down.

On that same site you have to agree to a disclaimer that makes you take full responsibility for any demons you see, seizures you experience, nightmares, nausea, etc....

See, they felt that their web pics of Rods were so horrific you'd go nuts.

I didn't. I saw a bunch of grainy images with Slimer drawn in.

I've been at work for an hour and I already want to pull a Hunter.

Yeah, I guess he did it while on the phone with his wife. He simply put the phone down and blew his head off in the kitchen.

"Yeah, uh, huh, uh, huh. K, well pick up a sixer and some eggs...wait, hold on.


So it goes.

Personally, I think I would do the same thing, but it'd be a sick call to work:

"Yeah, this is Matt, I'm not going to be in today. Why? Oh, well..........BANG!"

That was awesome.

Fucking Keith's degenerate ass called me this morning at 7.40. I'm not usually awake at this time, but for some reason I woke up early.

There was no point to his phone call, I later found out, but I called him back after missing the call cuz I was brushing my teeth.

And when I say "brushing my teeth," I mean taking a dump.

So, I call him back immediately, thinking that the only reason anyone would call me at this ungodly hour was if Condoleeza Rice suicide bombed Richard Perle.

But, no, no horror or brutal savagery, he was just bored.


I've noticed lately that this blog is really sucking. I can't think up any new stuff and nothing in real life is going on (see above).

That's why I've been running repeats.

I also got some much-wanted criticism from a fellow blogist on my photo gallery.

Apparently, I'm not the best cameraman.

Look, lady who thinks I'm not the best cameraman – I'll try harder.

For you.

It's come to this....

Things I Ate Yesterday

A bagel with butter and Parmesan

A baked potato with ketchup, Parmesan, and Tabasco

Chips and bean dip

Peanut M&Ms

Isn't that amazing?

Seriously, bloging sucks ass. I think I'm going to learn more about pediatrics with my spare time, rather than trying to think of comical things that aren't all that comical.

Like this one guy who did this one thing and we all laughed.

Fuck, that was funny.

And you're funny.

Make me a cake.

I love you.



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