Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I'm Hatching a Plan


I'm hatching a plan.
From this day forward, I will look back on today as that day before tomorrow.
I'm hatching a plan.
This will be nothing like my Nothing – In – The – Box or my full frontal nudity pictures of condors. No, this will be the plan that fulfills all of my dreams.
What dreams, ask you? Well, let me say that they begin and end with marble floors and fondue parties in the street.
The plan will begin today when I take a loan from the bank in order to begin hatching my plan. Under reason for loan I will write "Plan Hatch". It's safe to say they'll give me the money – for did I mention, I will be wearing my shirt tucked in.
Once I've obtained my loan, the hatching will begin. A plan is a lot like an egg in that it needs to be incubated until it matures and then the hatching can begin.
What will spring forth, I know not yet, but it could be part of your deepest dreams. Like, say, something that will involve making you happy?
Did I mention I'm positive that BBQ sauce will play a roll? Well, it won't, so I hope you didn't go thinking you could hatch my plan on your own.
That's the point of this plan, it must be hatched by me. Like the momma swan in the fertile valley of hatchings, I must be the sole provider of warmth and nourishment.
The plan, once hatched, will then suckle at my teet.
But there are others who are hatching plans. And some who steal plans, like the infamous mammals that stole dinosaur eggs and ate them and then bombed the Earth with nuclear weapons so that they could take over the Earth and hatch more plans until humans could walk the Earth and hatch plans of their own.
Like my plan that's in the hatching.
If you're reading this now and are taking this as some form of egg that you can take and hatch on your own, be forewarned – I will hatch it back from you. And then I'll probably use it against you.
In fact, my plan is now hatched and it involves hatching any plans you have. So, lets say you decided to build a go cart. Well, let's just say I've just ran to the store to buy some nuts and bolts and am the new owner of three small tires.
Sure, change your plan and decide to make nachos. It matters not, I will hatch your plan before you can get to it. Because I know you and I know the types of plans you hatch and if you think you're gonna hatch any behind my back and take credit for them when I could have easily hatched them myself – think again.
Well, excuse me, I have some hatching to do.

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