Infaccidious

December 30
Infadicididus
Shitty ReviewI'm not one to bitch, but when push comes to shove – I let the bigger guy beat me across the chops unmercifully.My review can best be summed up with one word – unfuckingbelievable.Apparently, as with every year, they are "raising the bar." Don't you love a good pull up reference when they're talking about the thing you do to make sure you can eat and sleep and otherwise live?So, the bar had been raised. I raised with it, believe me brothers and sisters, this job isn't just jokes and gimcracks. Sure, I'll use a lunch to write a diatribe on how bad my review was, but it's not like I'm spending the whole day doing it.Regardless, the projects and tasks I took on, including working for another department, were not enough to make it look as though I had hit the high water mark of working excellence.But, all complete bullshit aside, when you compare the review from this year and last year, there's some striking uses of a 5 point number system.For instance, last year I received a "4" for "Sees the Big Picture," this year I received a "3."Can someone tell me how I portrayed a complete loss of the "Big Picture" in just one year?Could it be they changed the "Big Picture" to a motion picture that I failed to see. Am I finally being dinged for not seeing "Titanic" like every cretin on Earth?But, seriously (just joking) how the hell do I slowly? Quickly? Lose the idea of how the company works in just one year?Could I have taken to corporate amnesia? Whereas, slowly, through the continuous minutia of databases and help text, did my brain slowly forget what the overall, general use of my nonsense skills are used for?Did my boss catch me writing documentation that I named "Whatever the Fuck this Does"?But, let's look at the rest: 10 fours last year, compared to 3 this year.Well, let's just give me the argument that I've worked my ass off this year, and stick to that. I could go on and on about all the new tasks I've taken, but if you did that to me, I'd hit you.Now then, even when you read the remarks on the review, you can tell that I've done a buttload more.Yet, according to the numbers, I've done 70% less.Well, fuck me in the goat ass!I seriously contemplated taking a hit on my 401K by withdrawing it and spending it on a year's rent while I search for another company to shit on me for six years.So, today, I met with my boss, and she may or may not get anything done (benefit of the doubt, here), it won't be much.Her take on it is one part "raising the bar", two parts "be happy that you have a job", and three parts "good intentions."Other than that I was told how much she felt sorry about Jamaicans on her vacation a few years back????I'm really not good at staying mad at people, which is bad, because tomorrow and everyday after I will be mad at her again.But, I have a temper, and I've learned to try to control it; probably to the point that I have fuckall of a chance of ever winning and argument.So, the meeting ended with me limply stating that I was sticking to my opinion that the review was bogus.Look, there are glaring points on my review, but they have nothing to do with any of the categories I got dinged on. Sure, I take the oldschool meaning of salaried literally and have been known to skid a good half hour early. And, yes, I have taken more of my share of sick days – but the fucking people who got good reviews have taken three month absences for the very same injuries that are bilking our insurance plan at a "my knee hurts" level basis.I'm no saint, and I do fuck off from time to time. But, you won't catch me taking a three hour break to talk about the new Survivor episode in the break room.Oh, and "makes eye contact with members." This has to do with people who work directly with the consumer. Now, I work in IS, but it still applies for fuckall reasons I couldn't give you.So, basically, I was told that my lack of interest in my coworker's obsession with the Seattle Storm is reason to give me a "2" for this category.Apparently, part of my job description is giving a fuck about what someone did on their weekend????Look, I understand being a teamplayer, and I try to help when asked, but if you want me to listen to how you went school shopping with your children – I'm not going to. I mean, if you're a buddy, I would be interested – but, four out of five times you're not.To this, my boss responded that I should at least "feign" attention.Look, blow me. If you want people to know about your boring-ass life, you do what I do: create a blog that no one reads.That way, people can choose to hear about the Storm winning the championship, or the time you felt sorry for Jamaicans.Jesus. You'd think I was working in a teen councilor camp.And if these stories weren't full of either boring-ass topics, or self-serving gratification, I would listen.To top it off, most of these people only listen for their seg to break into their own story. Hell, I've caught myself doing it.This department has slowly sapped me of anything that could resemble a man, much less one that would be fun to be around.Here's the kicker: because of the comments made about the absences, there's fuckall chance I'll get a job anywhere else.So, I'm stuck here, whether the claims against me are true or not.You know what? I may have just written myself into quitting.I mean, what is this really? It's the old story of a man in a corporate prison, BUT IT'S FUCKING REAL!I can't get another job, I can't quit and not only lose everything but have no way to pay stuff off, and I certainly can't commit suicide again, because this is where God sent me.Look, don't worry, I'll be OK. I still can drink myself to bed every night and pretend that my life has meaning when I really "get into" a good song, or read a good book.Hell, the other day I tricked myself into believing that a crime drama didn't suck complete predictable shit.Hey, I don't mean to bring you down. Life isn't really this bad; not for most people. Look at it this way: you're not me.That's right, the next time you think life's pissing on you: flat tire, pulled over, nothing but Fox News to watch, think to yourself "At least I'm not Matt Eckert."Everyone say it with me, now:AT LEAST I'M NOT MATT ECKERT.Now, doesn't that make you feel better?Remember to check out CLICK ME for illiterate commentary on all things Nancy-Red.Bless you, Robert Jim James Jackacracka Eckert