That's How It Felt.

It was close to eight.
I was hanging from one leg from the boat. A rope held me hanging above the water.
"Of course bowling season begins in September." He looked up towards the clouds that were moving quickly across the sky.
The water was rising and lapping against the boat and sprinkling my face.
"Yeah, this leg of mine." He walked around to the other side of the boat and yelled "But you only get two!"
I looked down into the water and I could make out a can of…what? Beans? Something down there for how long? Probably not long, but everything found underwater seems to be from the 70s in my mind.
I heard him walk around the boat again and then exclaim "This weather!"
It's hard to say what really set the man in motion. His name is Bruce Springsteen and that's probably what started it.
You really can't be named Bruce Springsteen now a days and not be made fun of.
He's an older man and maybe everything was all right for him up until 1984, and then all of a sudden he's a joke.
Luckily for him, stars fade. But, unfortunately for me, I remembered.
Where to begin?
His first day in the office, I noticed his name velcro'd to his cube and I think I sent out a large distribution email stating that from that day forward I would be working with Bruce Springsteen.
Then came the wisecracks in coffee rooms that Bruce slowly caught on to.
"Just gonna throw some bait out there." Bruce dropped a couple pieces of chum in the water and blood hit my face.
"My father is a detective! He'll find you!" I yell up at the boat, but I was pretty sure he couldn't hear me and wouldn't care about my lies anyway.
"I've always owned boats. I love them. I love the water. I love the scenery. You really don't know what you're missing until you actually purchase one. Sure, you can get on one or take a cruise, but until you know how they work and how to fix them, you really don't understand what it is to be a boat owner."
"Thanks, Bruce." The water was around my head like a crown and I could hear movements in the bushes suggesting that I would soon perish.
"You hear that? Oh, that's a big one. I can tell by the sound. Alligators are actually more friendly than you would think. However, I wouldn't want to shake hands with one." From his voice I could tell that Bruce was relaxing. Possibly drinking a beer.
Then I began thinking about beer, and how I would never have another. Then I started to cry. Not really about the beer, but about how I was going to pointless die because this man's name was Bruce Springsteen. The fact that I was going to be eaten alive violently also entered my mind and at that point I believe I started breathing harder and coughing.
"You OK down there, buddy?" Bruce's face appeared over the edge of the boat and he did have a beer in his hand.
"You a big drinker, Bruce?" I yelled up.
"I enjoy beer. I can't tolerate hard alcohol. Makes me go a little nutty." He said with a straight face. "I'd offer you one, but it'd be kinda hard to drink it upside down!" Bruce laughed.
"Can we talk about this? I mean you're going to kill me for playing a stupid song during your stupid speech?" I was mad at this point.
"It wasn't a stupid speech. It was basic SQL for beginners. I was trying to teach a class. That's my job. You wouldn't understand, because you play on the internet all day, doing God knows what. When you – well, if you had a job that you took seriously, you'd be pretty goddamn angry if someone decided to play pop music during your lesson."
"Bruce, is it worth killing me?" But he was away from me now and the water was nearing my nose.
Things suck when you pray to drown. But I didn't see that in the cards. Just as I began figuring that there's nothing wrong with thinking you might survive, the gator entered the water near me and immediately went for the chum.
Bruce's head appeared again over the bow and then I felt warm piss on my face.
The water boiled beneath me and the gator emerged on the beach and went back into the woods.
"They won't touch you with that stink on you." Bruce yelled down and I was slowly lifted back into the boat.
Up on the deck, Bruce looked down on me and said, "That's how it felt."