Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Notes on the Movie Collateral in Real Time

Notes on the Movie Collateral (in real time)

- The makers of Collateral really, really, really want me to buy Bacardi rum.

- Tom Cruise is a cocky walkin fuck, but he's normally in good movies. This confuses me and makes me want to shit myself.

- Why are working class Joe's always finding solace in postcards?

- Lawyers ALWAYS make nice with cab drivers.

- Tom's hair looks like a dead pigeon.

- Five minutes of condescending nicety nice with Pigeon Head makes me weary.

- Body dropping on car is best part of the movie so far.

- Decided that Cruise looks like Don Johnson ala Crocket….with a dead pigeon on his head.

- A pony tail makes a cop "undercover."

- There's something spooky about a man with a dead pigeon on his head trying to calm you down.

- "I should only kill people once I get to know them?" – Funniest line so far.

- Why didn't he straight up tell the cops Pigeon Head is a killer?

- First time in my life I've seen a white guy teach a black guy to be more assertive.

- If you identify yourself as a notary, you can get in anywhere.

- Next best part: Pigeon Head kills homies.

- Assassins like to stop for jazz between hits.

- I figure one of the cops is involved. (later proved wrong)

- First time I've seen a white guy explain jazz to a black guy.

- Miles Davis is a prick according to the movie Collateral.

- Jazz club threw me – I'll admit I didn't see the hit coming, but I'm two beers in. Also thought he'd let him go.

- Next best part: jazz guy getting shot four times in the head.

- Assassins always remember flowers.

- K, Pigeon Head is probably going to have to kill Jaime Foxx, so why would he give Foxx's mom the chance to ID him?

- I think the musical score is good, barring the shitty Audioslave.

- Cops always turn their backs when a perp is getting away.

- Just when I forget that they wasted ten minutes with grab ass romance, they remember to call Foxx's girlfriend.

- Cue slow, thinking music…and what's left of Chris Cornell's shitty career after Soundgarden.

- I gathered that girlfriend is probably in on prosecuting whoever Pigeon Head is killing for, but I didn’t guess she was one of the hits. This seems so obvious now, as they have to bring the female "lead" back into the fold. Man, I must be wasted.


- Tom Cruise is way too convincing as a psychopath who has no empathy for others. Cue "silent" pregnancy.
- Believe it or not, I want Pigeon Head to get away.

- Vincent will die as the product of his own subway prophecy – I realize this when they enter the subway.

- Overall – solid C. It's about as much fun and action packed as putting together a puzzle of Mount Rushmore with 24 pieces missing.

- Oh, SNAP! Michael Mann directed it! I just found that out in the credits – hence the Crockett!!!

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