Sunday, September 27, 2009

Way Back

February 12
Sci Fi Reality
What can I say? I guess it's a slow news day.
Oh, kid, you know I'm joking.
The Vice President shot a man with a shotgun.
Let's let that sink in deep.
I mean, really, think about it.
OK. Now, let's comment:
It seems the good swine, Dick, was aiming for a bird and nailed a attorney. I don't know if you call that a tragedy or a miracle, but the attorney is in the hospital with a permanent executive decision all over his face and chest.
Which makes me wonder if the old W. pretzel incident was sparked by a softball game.
Apparently the Dick can't aim. Like a bad porno where the "actor" nails himself in the face with his own jizz.
Lord, that's ugly talk. Especially on a Sunday. This is God's day and there's no reason to think I'm above the other sheep. So, for the sake of the dainty Christians, let's try to keep this clean.
I've only had one chance moment with a forrealz gun. It was back in 96 and I was among gunnuts. That's right, yours truly was in close association with what could aptly be called "gun runners."
It all started with NAME WITHHELD who got into guns and I found myself going to "gun deals" all over Kent.
This wasn't small scale BB gun crap. No, I saw more AK47s than most people see in their lives. The only surprising thing is that it was all before the age of 20.
NAME WITHHELD got into the send away Ninja shit at the age of 9 and it all went bad from there. Pretty soon he was subscribing to GUNS AND AMMO, the most cleverly titled magazine of the gun enthusiast.
Fuck, that's like naming a skin mag TITS AND ASS.
Yes, I'm sure there's a TITS AND ASS magazine. It was a bad...what do you call those things that are supposed to give an example of something in joke form?????
It got ugly when NAMEWITHHELD purchased an AK47. It got uglier when I was driving around with him as he sold these guns.
I have no recolection as to how he got these guns; it's all a blur.
But, I think the pinnacle was when he orchestrated a deal with a coworker from Loew's.
This coworker showed an enthusiasm with NAMEWITHHELD about gun. This blossomed to a budding deal with numerous guns.
All automatic and illegal.
It was hooked up and on one ugly Saturday night NAMEWITHHELD had another friend of mine, who was a felon by 15, selling guns to his coworker.
The guy showed up at this mall and was soon surrounded by 20 cop cars and various law enforcement.
My buddy, NAMEWITHHELD, was no where to be seen.
It turns out that the coworker was a EXPLORER OFFICER. In other words, he was one of those creepy nerds that rides along with cops to learn the skillz it takes to beat black people to death for shoplifting.
That's harsh.
But, it's a harsh world, and cops are generally not the best of people. There's plenty of good ones, but I already told you I was speaking in generalizations.
Now, generalizations are quite impressionable to the youth. And the youth are rebels if they have a mind about them. So, if you want to be a cop at the age of 17, you've probably got some problems. Like the kind that stem from being beaten up 24/7 for being the tattle tale.
Moving right along.
NAMEWITHHELD was no where to be seen. No, he clocked out early. He had an early lunch. No, it was a complete surprise on him that he inadvertantly set his buddy up.
Now, the gun runner was a scum ball. Keep this in mind when I say NAMEWITHHELD should have done more time than the scumball. NAMEWITHHELD is a scumsucking yellow fuck.
Who the fuck gives someone up like that?
He had an out. He could have called the gun runner up and nixed the deal. Did he?
He lied and acted like he had no clue.
Unfortunatley the scum sucking gun runner didn't pay NAMEWITHHELD a visit when he got out of jail.
Now, this story I tell a lot because it's a good analogy for Republican scumsuckers like Bush and Co.: Sure, we'll participate in the most heinous of crimes for no good reason, and we'll sell our own mothers out if shit hits the fan.
The whole lot should be packed away into small boxes that read: DON'T OPEN UNTIL...NEVERMIND, JUST DON'T OPEN.
But, what the hell?
Later, I came across the guy again and we went camping. I got drunk enough to fire one of the many AK47s they had, complete with one of those round tommygun style clips. It's one of the things I regret worse in my drunken episodes of dipshitery: just firing off into the woods with no regard for what the numerous potentially fatal accidents that could have occured.
Luckily, that friend has been gone for a good time.
I guess I miss the stupidity, out of writer's point of view. But, you know, good riddance to bad rubbish.
Hell, own a gun. Own heroin. Own a environmentally challenged car. I could care less. It's your life.
But, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeese don't act like your vice is not a vice. Don't pretend your stupidity is stamped by God. I don't buy it. Guns kill.
That's what the bullets are for.
I don't think there should be a law, but I think if you own a gun you're no better than a junky.
Accept it.
Potential is a mean animal, and those with no regard for the instrument they possess will fall far from heaven's grace, and most gun owners have little to no regard.
Think I'm full of it: well, your Vice President just made Swiss cheese out of a man. And, to tell you the truth, I have no pity for that man carrying a gun around blindly with an octagenarian with a loaded shotgun.
Bottom line: if the Vice President, and expierenced hunter, can blast buckshot into a man when he's aiming for a, there's something wrong with owning a gun.
Think I'm blowing this out of proportion?
Look at this choice quote from Katharine Armstrong, the Ranch owner, where the incident occured:
"This is something that happens from time to time. You know, I've been peppered pretty well myself," said Armstrong.
Funny...the second a kid blows someone head off at Columbine it's an act of apocalypse and his music and video games are blamed. But, here at Katharine's ranch, where shotgun "peppering" (and don't think getting "peppered" by a shotgun is as loverly as it sounds) is the norm; it's an awful accident where the culprit was just plain old or stupid...or both.
Own all the guns you want, but don't EVER try to tell me they're some God given right that is neither dangerous of just plain stupid.
But, then again, the way the wind is blowing in favor of Hitler's ghost: we may actually find a good reason to have them.
Let's hope not.

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