Some Things

Movie Review


Jimmy Hollywood



This 1994 Barry Levinson film was brought over to my house just in time for me to be drunk. Which, would seem to make for a good movie. There are few movies that are torture to watch while drunk - mainly, because as long as you have another sip of alcohol at hand, there's always a possible plot twist.

This was not the case with Jimmy Hollywood. This movie was god-awful. It's like the Levinson (Rainman, Diner) decided to squat a filthy feek in the wake of Pulp Fiction. I suppose I would have done the same – there's no way to have made a good movie in 94 with Fiction out there. Everything would look like a piece of shit compared to it. So, maybe Levinson just tried to make some transedental piece of shit that crossed all shit genres? Who know?



Bush Watch



Tomorrow Rollingstone will publish an article by Robert F. Kennedy Jr. on the second greatest heist in American history: Election 2004.

Soon to be behind bars for accepting bribes, Kenneth Blackwell plays the turdburglar in this one. I suggest you check it out online or pick up an issue tomorrow.

The Seattle Times is reporting that the chief spokesman for salmon in the Pacific Northwest, by way of our government is being silenced. It seems Bush decided that there was too much truthiness coming from Brian Gorman and had him replaced by a crony in Washington D.C. So, if you want any information on what's going on with salmon in the state of Washington, you're going to have to go through the Potomac.



What I Think Bush is Doing Right Now



K, so he's on this barcalounger in the Oval office. He's got a Rangers game cued up and he's

DIPPING A BABY IN RANCH DRESSING AND BITING IT'S HEAD OFF!!!!!!



FROM THE COWORKER



I just wanted to thank you all for attending the sexual harassment class yesterday. I really was appreciative of the understanding our group has for each other. I think it's important that we strive for excellence and work together to make our department a stronger unit of the Lostco corporation.

With that in mind, I would just like to run down a few terms I have heard in this cubicle that I do not agree with and feel are of a harassing nature to my person.

Velvet apple snatch

Snatch sauce

Lazy Jane's corrupted vulva

Pruning shears (with finger pointing at his genitalia)

Time to lick the salty cabbage

Where the red fern grows (with finger pointing at her genitalia)

Meat ditch

This is more of an abbreviated version, and I have printed a longer version out and taped it to the cupboards above my desk.

I think we can all work together to come to some understanding of each other as people.

Thank you,

The Coworker



THIS AWESOME SANDWICH I HAD LAST NIGHT



Calls for:



Boboli pizza crust (1/2)

Spinach (two handfuls)

Onion (quarter of)

Mustard (spoonful)

Mayo (spoonful)

Olive oil (spoonful)

Pepper (pinch)

Salt (pinch)

Rosemary (pinch)

Oregano (pinch)

Basil (pinch)

Cilantro (pinch)

Sea salt (pinch)

Garlic (pinch of dried, clove of fresh)

Swiss cheese (slice)

Ricotta cheese (spoonful)



K, so take the Boboli and cut it in half. Then take all the other shit and put it between the two pieces of Boboli and toast in a toaster oven on "DARK."



Fuck, that sandwich was awesome. I'm gonna make another one tonight, but I'm outta Boboli so I'll have to use sourdough. No biggie.



DIABETES CORNER



I know I'm not supposed to, but I ate a whole bacon cheeseburger.

I know I'm not supposed to…



HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR LOVED ONE IS CHEATING ON YOU WITH YOUR DOG



Alpo on the genitals. Howls at all hours of the night. Suspicious new "dead bird" pendant.

THE ENGLISH ARE TWITS

The fopps named an Oasis album the number one record of all time.
Going forward, I will sprinkle every entry with my hatred of the English and their disgusting taste in music.
Collectively, they should all be shot.
Good God! Oasis? Better than Dark Side or OK Computer?
God shit on the Queen.
Dirty fancy boys and poridge filled women.