Bookends

Station to Station

I think everyone remembers having stations back in elementary school.
You know, you’d go to different stations and do arts and crafts.
Like one would be making macaroni pictures and the next one would be lip syncing Judas Priest records.
You know, stations.
Well, did you know that the word stations comes from the 14 (15 if you include resurrection) of Christ?
So, my point here is, that probably right about the time you’re at the play dough station, you should be covering your palms and making sure there isn’t a cross nearby.

That was Blasphemy

What is blasphemy?
Besides a word you have to spell check?
Well, nowadays, if someone hung Kurt Cobain’s bones around the mic at a Nickleback concert.
But back in the olden days, when dinosaurs ate Christians for the Romans, it was making fun of deities.
Now a days it’s making fun of Patrick Swayze like the day after he died – which I won’t do. Swayze was awesome in Donnie Darko.
My point being, is that blasphemy is relative.
But I’m still not going to delete Station to Station. It was kinda funny.

Kanye West Joke

Not too many people read this blog. Last count, I had five visitors and they were all me. But all three of you know that I’m above topical humor.
But, that doesn’t stop me from saying “Hey, Kanye, why the interruption?”
I mean, there’s times where you should interrupt people. Below I’ve formed a list.
1. When the President gets all lying on you.
2. When you have to pee during sex.
3. When you’re a Beastie Boy.
4. When you’re peeing on a sex partner (consensual) and you have to pass gas.
5. When George W. Bush hates black people, Kanye West calls him out on it, and you’re George Bush and you and you say “What the?” during a hotdog eating contest with Karl Rove.
6. When you’re a peaceful Iraq around 2003.
7. You get the drift.
My point is, interruptions have their place and time and they should be important. Now, if you feel that Taylor Swift is important…See number four.

I’m Losing Steam

I’m at that point where I’m like “This could be funnier.” And then I realize I’m quoting myself while I’m home alone on a Tuesday.

Did I Mention I’m Listening to Iggy Pop?

It’s not really helping my humor or writing.

Abortion is Shock Value

So, here’s my joke about abortion.
This woman walks into an abortion clinic with a small teddy bear and some diapers.
The doctor says, “

See, I’m Just Reaching for Shock Value

It’s true. I need to dig deep into the soul for the next joke.

Bookends

True story.
I was out one night and this girl invited me…out.
So, I meet her and her hot friends and they’re with this fat guy.
I realize I’m fat as I rest my beer in my beer holder (belly button) and start to think “Wait, why would this chick wanna be with two fat guys?”
Then it dawned on me, she was married and needed fat guy book ends to make sure
1. They wouldn’t hit on her, they’re fat and know their place on the sex chain
2. They were fat enough to look like husbands in case some other loser hit on them
But then I realized I had a huge dick, so it didn’t bother me.
(I have a very small dick)

That was out of Line

Seriously. The guy wasn’t that fat.
But I was.

I Summer in Places You Could Never Afford

K, so this wasn’t the best post. But, I – look at the title.