Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Time I Got Three Write Ups in One Recess

The Time I Got Three Write Ups in One Recess

It all started with me and my friends recruiting potential gang members for our club – the Scorpions.
It was second grade and we were at recess.
This overweight kid wanted to join our club, so I gave him the running test.
He didn't pass.
I explained to him that it was because he was too fat.
He immediately went and told the playground teacher, so I went and hid behind a stump.
Then the recess teacher blew her whistle for me, but I was all hunkered down behind a stump, so I didn't hear it.
Then I panicked and went back into the school to hide.
I got write ups for calling the kid fat, ignoring a whistle, and going back into the school during recess.
So, I can tell you about life on the street.

Sometimes I Lie

Like this one time I decided to buy cologne. I told the lady behind the counter it was for a gift. But it wasn't. I was totally going to use that cologne. And I did. I also used all the samples of cologne they gave me. And then I hung out and started asking questions like "What kind of occasions should my friend wear his cologne to" or "Is it gay to wear cologne to a football game."
Eventually they asked me to leave. So you can see why lying is not the best policy. At least not if you're gonna stick around and spray people with cologne in Macy's.


1. Displays whether back orders are allowed. A "Y" indicates that back orders are allowed. An "N" indicates that back orders are not allowed. An "L" will print "NO" on the purchase order, but the system will allow more than one receiving on the purchase order until the purchase order is completed.
2. When a vendor makes multiple shipments for one purchase order.
3. The part of an order that the vendor has not filled on time and that will be shipped as soon as the goods in question are received, manufactured, or procured.

I Carry Cinnamon Around

It's true.
There are so many times in our lives when we could be using cinnamon, but we don't. Like the other day I had a cup of coffee and I thought "Damn, this could use some cinnamon."
So, now I carry it around with me.
Some people call it cocaine – I call it cinnamon.

This One Snow Day

This one day it was supposed to snow the following day. So, my buddy decided to crash at my place because he didn't want to have to drive to work from Kent the next day.
Well, as the day wore on the more ominous the snow sounded. It went from one inch to like five inches.
That's a lot of snow.
So, he came over and we went to the bar and I got drunk figuring they'd cancel work.
I kept toasting to the snow.
After ten beers we called it a night.
Then we woke up and there was no snow and I had to call in sick.

I Saw A Peeping Tom

Thing is, he was Hispanic, so it may be more like…? Peeping Tom, but you over pronounce the name? I don't know.
Anyway, I was walking outside in my complex and he was looking up at the trees with binoculars. But then I realized that the trees he was looking at really were an apartment building. Then I realized a hot chick lived there.
Then I felt bad that I wasn't helping him in someway.


I recently was promoted. This was really unexpected.
I was just sitting around and the next thing you knew – promotion!
Wow. But now I have to figure out what to do with all my promotion winnings.
I've blown a lot of it on the casino and lotto tickets and beer, but I think I can do a lot in the way of buying more bad food.
That's not to say I haven't grown up. Since I was promoted, I took the time to start doing things like folding my clothes and taking showers.
I can't say that I'm a different person, but I will say I have, like, one more taco a day.

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