Saturday, October 10, 2009

Xmas Movie

My Christmas Movie

So, like there's this terrible island called THE ISLAND OF DR. JACKSON.

It's like there's this evil doctor who makes these movies that are way too fucking long and even when he's working with a good story and is good about getting the story into the movie it's still too fucking long.

HIS PLAN: Dr. Jackson plans to slowly make his movies longer and longer until you're basically watching a movie from birth to death.

But, wait a hair – there's also this super hero named THE RINGER. The Ringer is a Jewish guy from Munich who can't stop making movies about Jewish guys. This is his super power: he plans to turn all of Dr. Jackson's movies into movies about Jewish guys until everyone gets fed up hearing about Jewish guys, and so they stop viewing Dr. Jackson's movies.

So, The Ringer flies to the island on the back of that fucking dog from Neverending Story and strikes a deal with Dr. Jackson.

Little does the Ringer know, that Dr. Jackson has hidden in his laboratory the final movie to destroy mankind: THE BIBLE IN IT'S ENTIRETY!!!!!!

This completely destroys the Ringer's plan of turning it into a film about a Jewish guy – this movie is about THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF JEWISH GUYS!!!

So, the Ringer calls in the help of Mel Gibson who only likes making movies about how evil Jewish guys are.

So, Mel gets a hold of the movie and turns it into a Nazi propaganda film and Ben Affleck and Matt Damon hunt Mel, Dr. Jackson, and the Ringer down and kill them all with their awful new film about this douchebag who goes to college, but finds out that he's got these dope-ass janitor skills that he uses to prove he's…well, a dope-ass janitor.

Oh, and then the janitor (played by Matt Damon) has buttsex with Heath Ledger on Brokeass Mountain.

The End

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