Old diary

Some Things to Think About



(A weekend report)



On Friday, the drinking started late. Like 8.30. Lisa dropped over and we decided to go to Ozzie's, a popular shit hole up the street. I was in the mood for pull tabs and city scum and Ozzie's the manifest destiny of redneck gambling.

No, even I have no idea what that means.

But, Ozzie's was packt with drunks and angry homeless people full of graft and Graf.

Ozzie's was a bad idea anyway. The last time I was in their I almost got in a fight…on a Monday.

So, we headed uphill to a bar I can't remember the name of. They had a blue grass band and it was a lot of fun. The bartender looked like that one puke from Dawson's Creek. I made the mistake of drinking Redbull and Vodka with Jager back. I don't know why I did this. I don’t know why Jager has been tasting good lately.

Jager: The drink of the college freshman. Rumored to be made from the blood of Dee Schnider and Noam Chomsky. I went through a spell (1997 – 1998) where I would drink it a lot. Then one night, I got liquored on it and ended up in Josh's car doing shots and listening to Radiohead. I left quarter-sized Jager circles all over his dashboard with the shot glass. Later, I put a puddle of puke in his car door panel as a final salt in the eye. The next morning my mouth tasted like Lucifer's toenails and I swore off the evil baboon juice.

But, now, I've become fond of it once again.

I'm destined for ruin.

Later, we went to Beth's (home of the 12 egg omelet) where I ordered a 6 egger and ate a quarter of it as I drew Lisa eating her hashbrowns with crayons. I went home with the hiccups.

Shaturday I woke up, tried to swallow a multivitamin and nearly puked. The rest of the morning was spent watching Mother Night and eating a goat cheese sandwich. Lisa bet me that an orange she bought tasted like no other orange and would change my life.

I ended up getting a buck from her.

Later, I walked up to Pike Place Market and bought:

Syrup for Lisa's dad

A mixed bag of incense, because I smoke in my apartment

Two tomatoes for nachos

5 cobs of corn for a BBQ the next day

Things I tried to buy, but couldn't for various reasons:

Fresh donuts: the line is always too fucking long and I hate crowds to begin with

Baklava or Turkish Delight: Lisa raves about this Turkish joint, but first I could remember which she wanted, then the lady behind the counter completely ignored me

In the evening I met Scott, Shanna, Josh and Monica at Gordon Biersch. I had the pizza. It was delicious. Our waiter was a fuckface. Fuckface tried to make funny with us and had the annoying trait of saying "Excellent" after everything we ordered. According to Scott he was staring at Shanna and Lisa's tits the whole time as well. But, the funniest thing was Scott's dinner. He ordered steak and mashed potatoes and within the mashed potatoes was a whole russet potato. It was odd.

Whenever I try to spell potato I end up Dan Qualing it.

Good old Dan, he enjoyed potatoes as much as the next guy and his blind moral umbilical to televangelists should have been the final straw that took him down. But, no, it was his stupidity. It's hard to believe he was once Vice President. As I'm writing this now, I feel the urge to Google it and make sure. But I'm lazy. No, Dan was definitely not the stupidest man to ever sit in the White House. That honor goes to the many people with Downs Syndrome that have visited and our current S.S. heavy George W. Bush. Christ, can nothing ruin this man? Will there be a final stupidity straw with W.? His State of the Union is coming up and it's focus will be energy. This on the heels of a report that gas prices will soon go from 60 a barrel to 260. That's no joke, people. Not only that, but Exxon seems to have broke the record for profits by any company, anywhere, ever. But, the cheap vaudeville performed by W. will reassure the conservative sheep that a Flintstone car will revolutionize the way we travel and lower obesity in young people. A rally, outside the ABC affiliate in Seattle, is scheduled for Tuesday. I would normally applaud this, but it's probably going to fuck up traffic. I imagine the street I live on will be swarming with National Guard and Young Republicans all aiming to stop the abuse of democracy that will be questioning the puppet beast, George W. Bush.

But, politics are for people who spell and do simple math. I'm not one of those people. I, like our President, think with my heart, and with the way I treat my heart (drinking, smoking, cholesterol), I'm sure I can't even think that well using..she? Him? What day is it?

Later in the evening we went to Von's for a few more drinks and then called it a night.

Sunday I helped Brad paint his bathroom. This part of the weekend sucked.

Moving right along, later I went to my Mom's where I had the bright idea of BBQing in 37 degree, rainy cold. It took two attempts and an hour to cook anything. My mom had the boil the hotdogs. I was in a bad mood and went home.

There's been a large buzz about the program Lost. I can't follow TV, so I only watch it once it comes out on DVD. So, I'll have a review of what I'm told is a great program soon.

Well, it's time to pretend I'm working.

God bust,

Matt