Wednesday, December 9, 2009

A Grand Piano Filled With Ground Beef

Please Take my Intelligence Seriously
Editorial by Don Rutherford

In the past I have caught many of you not taking my intelligence seriously. Well, I would just like to take a little time to tell you a little bit about how I feel and how the AWESOME POWER of my intelligence could crush you all.

Yesterday, in the break room, I was telling Tom Victoria a little bit about the Tom Clancy book I read over the weekend and I heard one of you laughing as I stated "well, Tom has some of the right ideas about jet velocity, but I would really like to let him know that thermal dynamics cannot be expressed correctly with the equations he was using to describe the crash scene in Patriot Over my Arm."

Well, let me just tell you I have read 11 books on the subject of Thermal Dynamics and the amount of thermal dynamics information I have stored in my MASSIVE CRANIAL REGION could crush you and your WHOLE FAMILY.

Another such incident occurred the other day when I responded to the whole company that our CEO Tim Flag had misspelled "average" in his memorandum to our corporation. I received an email from Cheryl Crowley, Tim Hennings, and Doug Schmidt that stated I was being pompous. Well let me tell you Cheryl Crowley, Tim Hennings, and Doug Schmidt, if my MASSIVE INTELECT were in a fight with your puny brain, I'd go way KO, bub, WAY KO. GOD, JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW LARGE MY BRAIN IS MAKES ME WANT TO BEAT YOU ALL OVER THE HEAD WITH A DICTIONARY!

So, the next time I use a word like extraneous or hyperbole, I want you to BOW DOWN to me and my MASSIVE CRAINIAL CAPACITY, I AM YOUR GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH, you like that don't you, YEAH!

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