Wednesday, December 9, 2009

When You Realize I'm Staring At You, You Will Understand

The ABC's of Me

A - Age you got your first beating: 15

B - Band listening to right now: Prodigy

C- Crush on: Abe Lincoln

D - Dad's name: Bob, no really

E - Easiest person to talk to: Michael Jackson's Ghost

F - Favorite bands at the moment: Nails

G - Gummy aphids or gummy USB ports?: It's gotta be the ports

H - Hometown: Kent, WA

I - Instruments: A woman's body

J- Junior High: Meridian Junior High – the worst place on Earth

K - Kids: FUCK NO

L - Longest car ride ever:Seattle to Chicago

M - Mom's name: Doris, no really

N – Nicknames: Asshole, fuckface, shit for brains

O - One wish: To be renamed Jacoby

P - Phobias: Whatever has collected underneath Oprah's belly

Q – If you have to shit on your girlfriend's back to get an erection; you probably wouldn't make a good father.

R - Reason to smile: I gave my ex herpes

S - Song you sang last: Love on the Rocks by Neil Diamond

T - Time you woke up today?: 5:00am

U - Unknown fact about me: I can completely disappear if I'm near fish

V - Vegetable you hate: Burlap

W - Worst habit(s): Heroin

X - X-rays you've had: The kind that come from the aliens that are secretly spying on me with X-rays shot through an Atari and out of my fire alarm

Y - Yummy food: Birch

Z - Zodiac sign: Gemini

Get to know... Let's get to know each other...

X = have done

(x) bit Morton Downey Jr.
(x) shat on someone's porch
(x) molested a bear
(x) killed an entire throng of ants with a hose
(x) been committed
(x) gone out in public in a horse costume
(x) murdered a stranger
(x) rode a stranger
(x) been in a cock fight
( ) enjoyed Dr. Phil
(x) laughed and started bleeding out of your eyes
(x) farted in an elevator and then rode the elevator all day farting to make it stink
(x) swore at Gandhi
(x) been in love with a dwarf
(x) been close to love with a dead fish
(x) been to a casino in Israel
() voted Republican
(x) jacked off to skinny dippers
(x) laughed all the way through the English Patient
(x) been electrocuted for medical purposes
(x) told a cheerleader she'll be worthless in life except for her cooch
(x) sent ketchup back
(x) given stitches to a doctor
( ) thought Jeb Bush was doing a good job with Florida
(x) beat a man with a Twinkie – half to death
(x) been to McDonalds
(x) gotten malaria
(x) kissed a member of Bannarama
( ) thought lists like this were cool
( ) been to Iraq
(x) ridden in a Ton-Ton
( ) thought people who have never been dumped are special
( ) thought Lord of the Rings was the best cinematic accomplishment in movie history
( ) thought 50 cent was talented
( ) had a crush on a Llama
( ) had feelings for a Llama who didn't have them back
(x) fucked a blind woman
(x) had a crush on a driver's ed teacher
(x) celebrated Mardi-Gras in the Falkland Islands
(x) been to the Marshal Islands
(x) killed Communists in Florida
(x) downed enemy planes at Midway
(x) sold an elderly person for drug money
(x) had Bette Midler
(x) seen someone die of Funyons
(x) had a close friend die of New Kids on the Block
( ) got into video games
(x) sold road kill to children
(x) been to your house when you weren't home
( ) had fun doing this
(x) found hope in the fact that I'm halfway to my life expectancy
(x) seen Girls who Suck Cock and Eat Cum
(x ) thrown up in Bette Midler

( ) thought Courtney Love was talented
(x) eaten a tapeworm to lose weight
(x) told people I ski so they think I'm rich
(x) have to work on some documentation because Enron fucked up our trust in companies
( ) lost a kangaroo
(x) gone to clown school
(x) graduated from Martin Atkin's school of tap
(x ) fired a gun at a school bus
( ) purposely hurt yourself with mayonnaise
(x) taken painkillers to church
(x) been intimate with someone of the same race

Ok....done...if you did not complete're it.....

Till later...

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