Tropical Storm

TROPICAL STORM CAUGHT IN JERRY SPRINGER-LIKE DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE

By Matt Eckert

MIAMI (Reuters) - Tropical Storm Chantal raced toward the southern Caribbean islands on Thursday, after hearing from a friend that the Caribbean had slept with her husband Hurricane Hugo. "I'm gonna get you bitch!" She exclaimed after leaving the Cantina. At 11 a.m. EDT, Chantal was about 280 miles east of Barbados, at latitude 13.1 north, and really pissed off. It was speeding westward at 26 mph, a path that was expected to put the center over the Windward Islands on Thursday night, but who could tell; she was said to have drank twelve margaritas and was weaving out of tropical bar Cantina late last night. Chantal's top winds were 40 mph and forecasters at the U.S. National Hurricane Center in Miami said it could strengthen into "a potential "Cops" style domestic abuse situation" within the next day or two. Spinning masses of thunderstorms become tropical storms if their sustained winds reach 39 mph and if they have a history of solving problems by storming. Tropical storm warnings were in effect for Barbados, Dominica, St. Vincent and the Grenadines, and St. Lucia, all of which have been know to hang around the popular Cantina where Hugo was said to have left with the Caribbean. Watches were posted for Grenada, Tobago and Martinique; friends of Hugo who may be sought after for information on his whereabouts. Together, all the islands in the watch and warning areas have turned on their answering machines and are not answering the door. At midday, the worst of the storm was still far out to sea trying to start her car.

"It's a little windy, but sunny. When she comes, she comes. I'm prepared," said Josephine Leon, a Castries resident in St. Lucia.

Forecasters said the storm could dump 2 to 4 inches of "poor me shit" on the islands, with heavier downpours of tears and bitter resentment in mountainous areas. But Chantal was moving unusually fast, which could spare the islands in her path from the kind of heartbreaking pity that makes most people sick. "The good news for the islands is ... they may finally break up and that Hugo will be back on the block. Me and my girlfriend storms all think he's the bomb," said tropical rain Patricia.

The storm was strong enough to break tree limbs and pelt the islands with heavy yelling and gusty remorse, she said, adding, "If you're in the warning area you don't want to mess with me, bitch." Chantal was expected to strengthen as she finally finished her fifth bottle of Tequila and went for food.

Chantal is the third tropical storm of the June-to-November hurricane season in the Atlantic and Caribbean. The first storm, Allison, killed 22 people in Texas and flooded several southeastern and mid-Atlantic states in June after Tropical Storm Sandy called her fat. The second, Margaret, doused north Florida and Alabama after Hurricane Alex told her they should see other people.