Saturday, March 20, 2010

Seckshul Harris Mint


I'm Gonna Sexually Harrass You, Babe: But, in my Head
By: John Llamas

Oh, baby. You don't know it, but the things I'm thinking of in my head would cause you some alarm.
Oh, yes! If you even had an inkling of what I'm thinking right now, you'd report me to my manager.
That's right, if my mental processes were published in a book it would be called Fired: the Story of John Llamas.
Two words that describe my sexual harassment of you: punishable by termination.
Well, that's actually three, but the thought processes I have going on right now are so focused on sexual harassment that I can't concentrate on simple numbers.
But, let me say that I have one number in mind that if i were to speak it to you and raise my eyebrow like this - you'd be on the phone with my manager in seconds.
That's right, I can raise my eyebrow as I'm talking to you, but you think it's because you're explaining the figures from last week.
But, no, I'm thinking of a dirty number.
Wait, oh yes. You just bent over to grab your notepad.
That's right - I'm doing it again and you were turned around, having no idea that I was staring at your butt.
You make this too easy for me.

I Know You're Sexually Harassing Me in Your Head and Could Give a Fuck
By: Cynthia Strong

John, you think you're pretty smooth sexually harassing me in your head, dontcha?
Well, bud, I could care less.
I know you're the type who gets off on intimidation and power, considering that you must have a small dick and will be in the typing pool for the rest of your life.
You see, John, it's guys like you who are probably closet homosexuals and take the reverse psychology of it to an extreme to prove to yourself that you're not gay.
Well, John, go ahead: sexually harass me in your head.
I can't blame you. I mean, I do have a sweet ass and a fine rack and have been known to give it up on the first date.
I mean, if you're gonna sexually harass anyone in the office, it might as well be me. I figure whatever you're thinking about I've probably done it in the back seat of the boss' car during lunch on Monday.
Hell, whatever you're thinking of has probably been done to me against my will at some point in time, considering my drinking problem and all.
So, harass away, John.
Oh, clever, I like the little raised eyebrow. Was that supposed to be cute?
It wasn't John. I'm sure you were thinking of the number 69.
See, women see through this shit.
How's this John? I'm bending over to grab my notebook. You like that, sweetie?
Whatever glory you're getting out of this, let me tell you now that it's nothing close to the power trip I'm getting off making you act like the chained animal you are.

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