French Tickler Notion of Peace

Transcript of New Rove Leak



Matthew Cooper: So, you're uh,

Karl Rove: Yes.

MC: So, about the Plame case. What do you –

KR: Look, the case is under investigation and I have no more to say about the allegations.

MC: Do you believe you're innocent?

KR: Look, we can't...I can't discuss this matter at this time. You see?

MC: Alright, but...Time –

KR: Yes?

MC: Time is coming down on me for a story and –

KR: Well, look if you want a story you're going to have to assure me that you –

MC: Yes?

KR: ..assurances that you won't disclose your sources.

MC: I can't. If I put you on record as an anonymous source, I could be heading to the grand jury again.

KR: Then, no dice.

MC: Look, can't you just disclose one more name?

KR: It's not going to happen.

MC: Look, what if we use Pig Latin?

KR: You mean, like Arlkay Overay?

MC: Bingo.

KR: Well, now, that's different. Alright. It seems that this man in Gotham –

MC: Right. Go on.

KR: See, he's trying to say that I may have leaked a CIA agent's name to you or Bob Novak and let's just say –

MC: Right?

KR: Let's just say there's a man who enjoys armed robbery and jokes that would be very interested in knowing this man in Gotham's identity.

MC: Ha, I see where you're going, Arlkay.

KR: Who?

MC: Remember, the Pig Latin?

KR: Oh, right Atthewmay Oopercay.

MC: No, we can use my name. I'm writing the story.

KR: Oh, OK. So, where were we?

MC: We were covering up your name, so that you could disclose the identity of a Super Hero who has evidence that you disclosed the identity of a CIA agent so that you could get her husband back for testifying that you took us into war for phony reasons and now you're going to disclose the Super Hero's name in order to get him back for – wait, let me look at my notes again.

KR: It's Batman.

MC: What?

KR: Batman. Batman is Bruce Wayne. Bruce Wayne is Batman. There, I probably shouldn't have told you that.

MC: He's a Super Hero, he's not protected by the law that –

KR: Oh, so, can we use my real name? I want Bruce to know never to fuck with me again.

MC: No problem, anything else?

KR: Um, Superman is Clark Kent, Catwoman is Eartha Kitt and –

MC: Eartha Kitt is an actress, she played Catwoman, Catwoman is –

KR: Who?! TELL ME WHO CATWOMAN IS! She's totally giving Condoleeza a hard time.

MC: Did you know that I killed Jimmy Hoffa?

KR: Ha, I bet you didn't know I poisoned JFK before anyone even had the chance to shoot him.

MC: Jack the Ripper –

KR: Wait, I know that one – Queen Elizabeth. That's always a shocker.

MC: Yeah, and did you know Bill Clinton –

KR: Was really Al Sharpton? Yeah, I knew that one.

MC: Of course George W. is –

KR: A Hitler clone? Yeah, this is awesome.

MC: And you're –

KR: The Antichrist!

MC: HA! I didn't know that one! Got ya!
KR: FORSHIZM