The Willy Wonka Movie Kinda Sucks

The Willy Wonka Movie Kinda Blows


So, maybe I just expected too much from Burton and Depp. I respect their work a lot, barring Batman and 21 Jump Street.

With that in mind, maybe I did the opposite of Batman Begins and War of the Worlds: I expected it to be good and that made it worse.

Maybe. Also, I'm a fan of the original Wonka and the new one couldn't hold a candle to it. Not only that, the story is different in all the right places to make it suck.

Like, you know how Wonka acts like a schizophrenic in the first one, but turns out to be a normal guy who just wanted to be sure of Charlie?

Not in this one. Wonka is a schizophrenic and has no redeeming qualities at all. And he's not even schizophrenic in a creepy Marilyn Manson way; he's schizophrenic in a "that kid who used to eat paste in third grade" way. It's not creepy at all. He comes off as a reject.

Also, where's Slugworth? He's in it for three minutes and he's not tricking anyone or testing anyone's faith – he's just ripping off secret recipes like Nabisco.

It's fucking lame. I was thoroughly disappointed.

Oh, and the Oompas are stupid. Their songs aren't creepy and weird, they're attempts at joking around with pop music. I hate jokes on pop culture; pop culture is a joke. That's why the Austin Powers movies don't hold up.

Oh, fuck it. It was only an hour and 45 mins. So, you know – it was that or drinking a beer and staring at the TV.



The New Guy Who Sits Behind Me Is Cool, But Enough with the Voices


K, so, I don't really have a problem with people making the occasional sexist, racist, etc. jokes; but any form of joke gets old real quick.

So, the New Guy Who Sits Behind Me does voices. He's pretty good at it. BUT: Most of them are ethnic voices. Now, the guy's half Thai and half White – but he just looks white. You would never know he had any Asian blood in him unless you asked.

Now then, it's true, and we can all admit it: for better or for worse it's totally acceptable to get away with ethnic jokes if you're ethnic, but if you're white (or appear to be white) you better bite your tongue. So, if you're Mexican and you're making jokes about Blacks, you'll get away with it. Now, if you're White, it's a totally different story.

So, I have a white-appearing coworker who has about five episodes a day where he'll launch into an Apu, Sambo, or Irving the Jew voice.

He's not even that shy about it. I'm sure people can hear him.

What's worse is that we live in 2005 America and half of the IS department is East Indian. The second he launches into the Apu voice I feel like some Indian chick is crying in the cubicle next to us.

I don't know. It's odd and I'm sure something will come down eventually, but you never know.

Well, that's it.



Pleace