Thursday, November 12, 2009

Party Till the Morning

The Christians and the Jews are Fighting Over my Love

That's right. Everyday I get a personals email from either the Christian Singles or the Jewish Singles. Choices are nice, but I'm skeptical about the one from Jewish Singles, as the woman in the photo, that looks as if she's totally falling in love with the guy she's running in the park with, is wearing a necklace with a cross on it.

Now, maybe this is a Jews for Jesus singles ad, but they should warn me. These conflicting religions make it very hard to plan for dates during the holidays.

Not that I would sign up for any of these garbage dating services. No, I have done it before and my headline of "I OWN A PORSCHE" didn't even attract anyone. I suppose I should have tried harder, but then again, I hate dating.

Showing up to a job interview at TGIFridays on a Saturday night smacks of schizophrenia.

Besides, I've been laid in the last month, so I'm not hard up. I guess I do miss the mutual companionship that only eating grilled cheese and drinking Pepsi on a Sunday while watching Iron Chef has to offer, but then again, I don't miss the constant holiday activities to see friends and relatives that you have no interest in.

The next woman I date should just get the holiday season over for me buy wrapping me in a big box like a stripper and presenting me to all her friends and family on Christmas Eve. That way, the worst is over with and they've seen me in all my glory. Oh, yeah, and I'd be naked.

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