Sunday, November 29, 2009

I'm Not Gonna Pay A Lot For This Hooker

I'm Not Gonna Pay A Lot For This Hooker



Hiya, Sam McGee. That's my real name and I take no shame in the transaction we're going to make today.

But, I will warn you – I'm not gonna pay a lot for this hooker.

Nor, sir. I don't believe that just because prostitution is illegal and your competition is no cheaper than you are means that I have to pay any more than your hooker is worth.

That one there. I like her. She has a certain schoolgirl look to her that I like in a hooker. You know what? I think I'm gonna take her! Now, let's suss out the greener sides of this transaction, so to speak.

My friend, Friday, says that you run around 100 an hour. That, my friend, is highway robbery. I'm going to quote you a price here that I have converted from Deutch Marks into US currency for a comparable brothel in Germany.

40 an hour right here. 50 here. And, looksee here: 30 an hour! And look at these women, will you! Well, they're a right bit better than any you have.

Sure, prostitution is legal there, but you could at least be fair with your markup. I mean, if the mean in Germany is 50, then I shouldn't have to pay any more than 70, nay 60.

What's the bail and such on a bust? I bet you beat every wrap with a personal lawyer that costs you 100 every time you get busted. Now, if you get busted even half the time, you're not being fair with the customer.

Also, I'm seeing that most of your employees are over the age of 30. That makes for veteran hookers that I'm sure are cheaper to look after. So, why aren't you passing the savings on to the customer?

Also, most brothels spend 2% of earnings on advertisement. And, let's face it: you're all word of mouth. There's saved money right there. With no stockholders, there's no reason not to give the customer the benefits you reap.

Look, I don't want to apply socialism to your business, but I'm just saying that there's something to be said for the fair and reasonable entrepreneur who goes out of his way to make a relationship with his customer.

You sir, have no respect for me as a customer, much less a person. When I came in you talked to me in the manner of some junky degenerate from the nearest YMCA. I am a man of refined taste, extensive education, and a well-bred lineage. I will no longer let you address me as "Homes." No good man, you will address me as Mr. McGee and nothing but.

Also, there's something to be said about cleanliness being next to godliness; and you, Sir, are a devil of rubbish. Look at these filthy environs! I mean, really!

Well, I've prattled on enough. So, 60 an hour – do we have a deal, good man?

Very good, very good, but I'm paying the young lady to put a boot up my arse, yours will do no – AAAAAHHHHHH!

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