Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Street Knowledge (formerly) Pt. 6

I got a postcard the other day from a family member and it read "Hope all is well."
I thought this was nice at first, until I realized that what they really were doing was hoping that I could pay them back soon.
Tough luck, Robbie!
Robbie is my cousin and I know this because we went to a lot of family picnics together. It's amazing some of the people that are in your family. Like a clown, a park ranger, and 12 police officers. That was some picnic.
Anyway, Robbie knows nothing about street smarts, or he wouldn't have loaned me that money I owe him.
It's gone anyway. That's what I keep trying to tell him.
Robbie: Do you have that money?
Me: I spent it.
Robbie: Well, why don't you get a job and try to earn it so you can pay me back?
Me: Now how do you think they are going to be able to find the money you gave me? Do you know how many different 50-dollar bills are in circulation in this country?
Robbie: You can pay me with any money! Just as long as it's federally certified and is 50 dollars!
Me: But that wouldn't be your money.

I don't want to spoil it, but Robbie never saw it my way.
In fact, it got him so mad he went a little over the top and landed himself in alcoholism. That's why he sent me the postcard – he's making amends.
I made him apologize for loaning me money and that sent him into relapse, but he's back to his old "I'm sorry" ways and we're cool.
And I still can't find his money. But I look.
Every 50-dollar bill I have (and I have thousands from my Church profits) doesn't look a damn thing like Robbie's fifty. I should know, because I labeled it with "ROBBIE'S" with my label maker.
And you know those labels are guaranteed to stick.
If you doubt it, try labeling something with a label maker and then checking a week later if it is still sticking. If it's not, you probably did it wrong.
I know I've screwed up a lot with label makers. Like the time I labeled my wife.
Well, my buddy's wife.
Actually, it was Robbie's wife, and he apologized for punching me in the face for it after his ninth relapse.

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