Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Street Knowledge (formerly) Pt. 3

I think I'm also going to send this in with my voting ballot.
That's right, I made my own ballot to vote for things I like - like the sidewalk bathroom.
I made a few referendums:

I 7980: This referendum concerns the state's right to legally stop the growth of money in the state's treasury under current rates of interest because money is controlling our government and I want it to go broke. That's right, broke. So that then the state will fall apart and it will be like one of those 80s movies about the end of the world – like that one where the guy goes up to space and the planet has a nuclear war and when he gets back everyone is dead and he has to survive, but there's cannibals. Man, that was cool. Vote I 7980.


I 384: This referendum seeks to make it legal to play cards with dogs. Currently, it is illegal to gamble outside of a sanctioned casino. My referendum would make it legal to gamble with dogs, as dogs are not human and you can't really do them any harm financially, but if you get some of those wealthy Paris Hilton dogs, you can probably scam them into giving up her Rolls or something.

The problem and solution to these problems is that only I voted on them. With 100% for, I stand to make millions somehow.
That's another thing I have trouble with – people don't take me seriously. And that's just too bad, because a lot of my ideas are sound and only have light shed on them when they are put into a less street-smart package.
Like those public toilets they had on the sidewalks in Seattle. Sure, I didn't have the whole privacy thing and million-dollar price tag – but I did have shitting with the convenience of being on the sidewalk.
Or that movie Titanic – I initially wrote the movie about the iceberg's point of view, but it still starred Dicaprio as the iceberg. It was just called Iceberg instead of Titanic. It was rejected. But it didn’t matter because I only wrote about a paragraph or two of summary, so it wasn't like I put a lot of manpower dollars into it:


ICEBERG: Just hanging out.


ICEBERG: Whoa, dude!

I mailed it to, like, 12 movie producers I read about in Entertainment Weekly.
I got no calls, but I did learn a lot about icebergs while researching it. Like, did you know that an iceberg is made from ice? That means that those things in your fridge that come out of the icemaker are really just little, brutal killers? I mean, they look innocent and all, but hey man – they killed the Titanic.
That's another thing – I get put in jail for killing a deaf kid with my car (well, my neighbor's car) and an iceberg goes free? I don't remember them putting that iceberg behind bars. That iceberg is probably still out there terrorizing cruise ships.
Hell, that iceberg wasn't even an American.
Or a Christian.
Which brings up another point about having street smarts – they can transfer over to religion.

1 comment:

The Ryanator (for now) said...

I checked my freezer this morning and the ice was just staring at me with its dead eyes.
I'm scared.