Sunday, November 29, 2009

New Harry Potter Movie Spoiler

The New Harry Potter Book: Spoiler

So, as many of you know, the new Harry Potter book has been released. And, just as promised, Rowling has killed off a main character.

So, I'm sure many of you have Googled "Character Killed in Harry Potter Book" and have come to this site.

Well, let me warn those that haven't: I will be revealing the character in the paragraphs below. If you plan on reading the book and would rather not know the ending – STOP READING.

With that in mind, I would like to say that I'm a HUGE fan of the Potter books and I'm only revealing the character here, in an appropriate way, to dissuade those sites that give away the ending to screw over the reader. I think that is wrong and the magic that is Harry Potter gets spoiled over and over again by nogoodniks with nothing better to do than to spoil the dreams and excitement of children everywhere – including those of us who are children at heart.

Like me.

So, with no further introduction, the character that is killed in the newest Harry Potter book is:


That's right. We've loved Scotty's adorable Scottish voice and the catch phrase associated with him (Beam me up, Scotty) for years. But, that is to be no more.

When we first came upon Scotty he was the engineer of the Enterprise on a mission to seek out new galaxies and explore them. But, later, after a beaming accident, arrived in the classic Potter tales as the lovable "Scotty."

Sure, the name was the same, but Scotty's character drastically changed as he was now teaching engineering to Harry Potter and his magical friends.

We shared a lot of laughs with Scotty, like the time he beamed Harry onto Star Trek: Voyager and Harry had to battle the Borg with his magic wand. Or the time Harry turned Scotty into a Volkswagen.

Well, the laughs are over and you have J.K. Rowling to blame.

I've enjoyed her work for years, but to kill off Scotty in such a sad way: Pneumonia and Alzheimer's.

It's unacceptable. Scotty deserved better.

At the end the book Harry puts it best when he says "Maybe now God will beam Scotty up, but it’s a crime that Scotty wasn't able to remember how much we loved him as he passed on. Damn you GOD!"

And, of course, the God in this instance is the author J.K. Rowling.

Would I go as far as advocating the stoning of Rowling?

You bet.

It's a sad day when Scotty is dead and the author replaces him with a conservative justice.

That's right. To add insult to injury, Rowling has replaced the engineering instructor with John Roberts.

In the final paragraph of the book, John promises Harry that he will allow Harry to get Hermione and abortion as long as he quits having gay sex with Gilderoy.

Roberts goes on to rule that candy will no longer be allowed at the school and that Harry can no longer turn stem cells into dragons.

It's a sad day in Pottersville.

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